I think I'm ready to begin my next stage.
So over the past few weeks, friends have been asking if I've seen the X. Because apparently nobody has and they've all been wondering if he finally killed himself with the booze. I didn't know myself either.... though, my son didn't call and I know that if something happened, he'd call right away. And then, while on the way to the bank for work Thursday, I saw him.... walking into the liquor store.
I've changed! I didn't feel that "missing him" twinge. Didn't feel sadness. Didn't feel anger or frustration. YAY! (Though to be honest, I DID toy with the idea of parking out front where he'd see me - just to do a little get even - but didn't. I'm not interested in any revenge so I just kept going.)
So, now that my grieving stage seems to be over, it's time to look forward to my next one...
Dating? Hell no. I haven't been around single men for a VERY long time. And what I'm seeing is NOT appealing. I work in a business where people come to me for loans when they are desperate. And many times, it's too late for them financially. Either that, or there's some extreme medical issues, or psychological ones (like gambling, alcohol or drug addictions). And all the good men my friends know are married to my friends, lol. So, dating is on the back burner.
So, for my next stage.... today, I'm going to really focus on my health. My scare this past week brought it all to the fore-front, and I'm SO tired of dealing with it and worrying about it. Especially since I've been using food to cope with my emotions over the divorce and it's been SHOWING. My clothes don't fit right anymore and I can't afford to go shopping, and there have been times where I border on a binge - just to feel "better", which never works.
The bike race is in September, with registration starting April 1st, and there's a limit on 600 entries. Last year it was full by mid-June. My surprise tax issue this year means that I probably can't afford the entry fee in April. So, here's what I plan to do... Gonna train for it anyways. If I can't come up with the money for it, I'll volunteer to run people back to town that can't finish, enjoy the party at the end of the day (sounds like fun - maybe socialize with other singles that ride as well?) AND, the day before, EVERYBODY practices the course. So I'll do it then! See how far I can get, arrange for a back up person to watch the dogs and pick me up just in case I can't finish it, lol. Yep, that sounds like a definite plan!
Now, if it would only quit SNOWING so I can practice, lol.
I've changed! I didn't feel that "missing him" twinge. Didn't feel sadness. Didn't feel anger or frustration. YAY! (Though to be honest, I DID toy with the idea of parking out front where he'd see me - just to do a little get even - but didn't. I'm not interested in any revenge so I just kept going.)
So, now that my grieving stage seems to be over, it's time to look forward to my next one...
Dating? Hell no. I haven't been around single men for a VERY long time. And what I'm seeing is NOT appealing. I work in a business where people come to me for loans when they are desperate. And many times, it's too late for them financially. Either that, or there's some extreme medical issues, or psychological ones (like gambling, alcohol or drug addictions). And all the good men my friends know are married to my friends, lol. So, dating is on the back burner.
So, for my next stage.... today, I'm going to really focus on my health. My scare this past week brought it all to the fore-front, and I'm SO tired of dealing with it and worrying about it. Especially since I've been using food to cope with my emotions over the divorce and it's been SHOWING. My clothes don't fit right anymore and I can't afford to go shopping, and there have been times where I border on a binge - just to feel "better", which never works.
The bike race is in September, with registration starting April 1st, and there's a limit on 600 entries. Last year it was full by mid-June. My surprise tax issue this year means that I probably can't afford the entry fee in April. So, here's what I plan to do... Gonna train for it anyways. If I can't come up with the money for it, I'll volunteer to run people back to town that can't finish, enjoy the party at the end of the day (sounds like fun - maybe socialize with other singles that ride as well?) AND, the day before, EVERYBODY practices the course. So I'll do it then! See how far I can get, arrange for a back up person to watch the dogs and pick me up just in case I can't finish it, lol. Yep, that sounds like a definite plan!
Now, if it would only quit SNOWING so I can practice, lol.
Replies
Yes, I think when you see X and it doesn\'t hurt means you are ready for the next stage of getting to a new life.
You are making plans for the coming bike race. I\'m sorry you might not be able to enter but you are finding a way to stay involved. My therapist would say you can adapt to what life throws at you and that\'s not a bad thing to be able to do.
Good for you! What a great feeling to know you have moved on in this way.
Just a suggestion - every time you feel like buying yourself that comfort food, why not put that money towards the entrance fee so that it is a double incentive.
I love the sounds of your plans.
I say it again. I love your attitude!! Wow. I gotta get me some of that. I\'m referring to not being able to afford the race. I really hope you can because it always feels good to train for something and then prove it to yourself that you can...
It\'s amazingly bizarre to watch someone you used to love kill themselves. If you have not lived through this experience you simply cannot fully relate.
I am so happy to hear you are not feeling the codependent urges. And the fact you did not pursue revenge is a sign you might be ready to pursue forgiveness towards at least YOU! :)
Love the momentum on health. I am so hooked on getting fitter.