I think I\"m done
Well, big huge fight this morning with my husband. It only lasted a few minutes, but that was enough time for him to call my kids names, cuss at me, tell me that I can take my kids and leave. We haven't had a fight like that in a long time. I cried. I told him that I felt we came way to far to talk to each other like that anymore. He agreed, but then stood his ground about the reason we were fighting, which was because I allowed my 18-year-old son to come here and spend the night Friday night - I washed his clothes, then he was on his way...well, then money came up missing out of my daughter's purse. We know it was him because he was the only one here. I don't understand why he would do that. Of course, he denied it. What can you do when they deny it??? Now he's not allowed here anymore. he's living with his friend and his mom in a 2-bed apt. He just started working last week and hasn't received a paycheck yet. I can't help but feel for him still. I know he constantly screws up, but he is my son, you know? Now, I keep crying on and off, wondering why the hell I am with this man who I know honestly doesn't want me here. I can't stand the thought of starting all over AGAIN with nothing. I have no car, no money, no drivers license, nowhere to live if I don't live here. Part of me wants to just leave. I don't know what to do. Someone please clue me in.
Replies
First thing you should do; is tell your husband you have every intention of mentioning the missing money to your son - No - he won\'t own up to it - because he\'s 18; and at that age they are not mature enough to humble themselves for their misgivings. Trust me; I know - in fact I read an article that states eveyones brain; does not fully mature until the age of 25. So, call your son - let it known in the house that the situation was not ignored - and calmly tell your husband - that they he should reconsider his decision; because the holidays are approaching. You don\'t want to be an enabler - so -
stand your ground as his mother and let him know; the results you had this morning - in a diplomatic way.
Next; think of how far you have come with your relationship - working; building back your own self esteem and working to improve your lifestyle there.
Going now - would be a setback - (trust me) I did it; and though I\'m grateful for my family - I miss having my own - that will come in time. Not now.
Calmly mention to your husband that name calling; and shouting resolves nothing and just puts the whole house on edge. That you prefer a peaceful environment - and things can be discussed and resolved - without blowing the roof off the house.
Some people can\'t control that - and that\'s an anger issue - they just seem to loose it - and you are left in the crossfire of the anger. Duck, don\'t react by crying - don\'t show him that his outburts affect you - he\'ll start to realize - that you have control over you, and won\'t feed into it anymore.
You do have the control - but you have to toughen up; and think happy thoughts while he\'s yelling - or picture him with a big dick on his head....what ever works for you. I just started hearing Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, whenever my ex started to talk.
You could also remove yourself from the room, step outside - to the quiet - and stay out there for 15 - 20 minutes. Let the man calm down - while you regain your composure. Tell ya how many tears I cried for no reason? Too many. Was it worth it? No.
I became less tolerant after Shaun died; to handle the anymosity and hate - and walking on eggshells daily to live. But, we were not married - so - I had to make a move - believe it or not - Shaun, being my middle child - actually stressed me out the most during his young teen years. When I look back; and remember I wonder how I survived his antics; parties while I was at work, drinking underage, sneaking out after I went to sleep at night, etc. etc. but he turned around at 16 - because I sat him down and explained to him in a calm way - how he was heading down the wrong road and he needed to change -
God helped us - he did - oh he wasn\'t an angel - none of them are - but he found something - in life -
that he clicked with; and went out on his own at 19 which I thought was too young - but once they hit 18, they consider themselves adults just like we did.
So, take a deep breath - realize this too shall pass - sit still - and let it pass - or your whole week will be ruined over it.
Tomorrow is another day - and you can handle it.
Sorry for such a long answer but I just wanted to share some experience - perhaps something I wrote will help you -
Always here for you - every time you need to vent.
Love you girl,
Deni
Zach stole money from me, a few months ago, and denys it. But i found it in his bag of stuff, but i just let it go. I mean you shouldn\'t not let your son come over because of that.. I think you should just not let him stay the night anymoer and keep an eye on him if hes over there if you don\'t trust him. He still asks me for money for drugs and shit. I think thats crazy as fuck. I thought he was trying to change! what is going on Jen! Me and you should go get stress relief classes and go get massages. haha. I hope everything turns out! I know you want to leave, but its so hard. It\'s not as easy as people say it is. If you have any friends or family, maybe you should go out on your own for a weekend. Go to chicago with friends or something. I just hope everything gets better.
Start with the driver\'s license and job. Save money so you can move out.