I THINK I KNOW WHAT HATE IS.........

WELL,  I DON'T CARE IF NOBODY READS THIS......IT'S MOSTLY WRITTEN BECAUSE I CAN'T  ADMIT THIS SHIT OUT LOUD!!!!!   I WOULDN'T USUALLY ADMIT IT, BUT I GUESS IT'S TIME....  I GET SO DEPRESSED...LIKE REALLY HOPELESS. AND I DON'T EVEN COME HERE BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND THAT THERE'S SO MUCH OF THE SAME SHIT HERE.  I COULD NEVER, EVER, SAY THAT I HATED SOME ONE. BUT I THINK I REALLY DO HATE MY HUSBAND......I LOVE HIM TOO. BUT I HATE!!!HATE!!!!HATE!!! WHAT HE HAD THE @@@@$$##$@!@#$!#$!% NERVE TO DO TO ME!!!!!! I JUST WISH HE WOULD BE MAN ENOUGH TO STAND UP AND SAY...HEY, I DON'T LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE BEEN A MODEL WIFE TO ME AND YOU LOVE ME. I WANT TO @@##$@# SOMEONE ELSE!!!! HE'S A PIECE OF SHIT!!!  AND SO AM I BECAUSE I DON'T LEAVE,. I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT!!!! I WOULDN'T TRUST ANOTHER PIECE OF SHIT MAN IF HE WAS THE LAST MAN AND I WAS THE LAST FEMALE O EARTH!!!~!  WHAT GETS ME IS..THAT IIII FEEL GUILTY FOR FEELING THIS WAY!!!! HOW STUPID IS THAT?>?>?MEN ARE S-H-I-T !!!!  YOU LOVE AND HONOR THEM..YOU COOK AND CLEAN FOR THEM, YOU CARRY THEIR CHILDREN AND THEN RAISE THEM WHILE THE PIECE OF SHIT GOES GOLFING!!! THEN WHAT THE HELL DO THEY DO??>?? THEY SCREW  SOME WHORE THAT'S  H-A-L-F  YOUR AGE, AFTER 15 DAMN YEARS OF HELL.  YOU HAD MORE RIGHT TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE THAN THEY DID.   I HATE IT!!!!! JUST WHEN I THINK I'M DOIN' BETTER....BAM!!! IT COMES BACK LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY!!!! IT'S BEEN A YEAR!!!! I CAN'T TRUST HIM...NEVER WILL AGAIN.....NEVER....  MARRIAGE MEANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO ME.  I FELT THAT NO MATTER WHAT WENT WRONG IN THIS GREAT BIG WORLD, IT COULD NEVER, EVER TOUCH MY WONDERFULLLL, FAITHFUKLLLL    HUSBAND.... @#$@!!@#    STUPID,STUPID,STUPID ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NOT ONLY DID I LEARN THIS HORRIBLE TRUTH ABOUT THE GREAT SANCTITY OF WEDLOCK (HA) I NOW KNOW WHAT A FRIEND IS......IT IS A PERSON WHO CAN LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE AND SAY OH, YOUR MY DEAR FRIEND...I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU..WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WITH EACH OTHER, THEN TURN YOUR BACK AND @#@!@#@!YOU FIND OUT THEY WERE HELPING YOUR DEAR HUBBY  AND HIS WHORE  WITH MEETING PLACES. YEP...I'VE SURE LEARNED ALOT BOUT THIS THING CALLED HUMANITY.  NOTHING SHORT OF SELF-DESTRUCTIVE,,,,NO THANKS.....I'LL PASS. DON'T NEED EM...DON'T WANT EM.  I TRUST ME, MYSELF AND I..........................,.,.,.   NOW, MY GOAL?>???    TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE,  TO PUT IT PAST ME.    (IS THERE SUCH A THING?)      TO BE ABLE TO SEE INTO PEOPLE..JUST SORT OF FEEL WHAT THEY ARE.  I HAVE NEVER, EVER, IN MY LIFE, KNOWN ONE PERSON, WHO DIDN'T STOMP ME DOWN, TAKE WHAT THEY WANTED AND LEAVE.  NOT ONE.  MY MOTHER SAID THAT I WAS THE SWEETEST, KINDEST, MOST HUMBLE CHILD SHE HAD, OUT OF ALL HER KIDS..... SHE ALWAYS SAID I WOULD EITHER HAVE MANY, MANY FRIENDS WHO LOVED ME, OR I WOULD BE BROKEN DOWN BY PEOPLE WHO TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY SOFT HEART.    WHERE HAVE ALL THE HONEST,KIND, LOVING, CARING, HUMBLE PEOPLE GONE?   SAME PLACE I HAVE, I GUESS.     BUT, I'M  NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE......NOPE...I HAVE FINALLY OPENED MY EYES TO THE TRUTH OF WHAT'S IN THE REAL WORLD.