I still miss you 3 years later

I am feeling as a lost child in the grocery store. My heart is racing as I try to sort everything Ive been through. It is drawing a picture of almost 3 years. 3 years of hurt joy saddness and confusion. In the end all I only know is I miss my son like he is just going to come back into my life. Altho I know its not true. Some days I force my self to forget the pain' other days I pretend it never happened to me. Some days I allow the deep pain to consume every piece of my soul. Some days I will hear a toy go off or a strong breeze blows against me. I convince myself. He came to visit. I look at his pictures and his brothets' They look so much alike.  But they have changed grew taller and bigger. He does not. He should be close to 3 but hes not. I visit him in a garden with other babies like him. So u know my son passed on. It saddens me noone mentions him. They dare not say his name. he is not wished happy birthday. There are no toys' no balloons' no cards. Except for the balloons I send to heaven and candle I burn in memory of him each year. Life goes on. I still love and miss my son. Wyatt