I sometimes want to end it all

It is so hard to walk around with a straight face when your really dying inside. I wish it would stop. I sometimes just want to scream on top of my lungs that I CANT DO EVERYTHING. IM not wonder woman. I'm just me. I'm not even allowed to break down every once in a while in case God forbid, I miss work. I have to try and hold it together for everyone around me, smile through the pain when the smile is really a lie. URGH I can't put into words how frustrating it is inside, having to pretend everything is OK when its not.
 
I want to hurt really bad. To drag that razor as deep as it will go and bleed it all out, but again, my boss will have my head on a plate if I miss a day in work over a breakdown. One day I'm going to explode.
 
You know you really suck when your own voice even tells you that you do.