I shouldn\'t be thinking like this

I've got it in my mind that I should just get it overwith, go out, get drunk and prove to my wife that I can be a failure at everything !!!! She's gone out again and here I am. I really need to get these thoughts out of my mind or I'm going to end up in trouble. I have failed at lots of things in my life and I really think she would like it if I did drink, and she could tell all her friends that she new I would fuck up again. I thought things were getting better but they're not. I got shit today because I wasn't outside. I was downstairs working on my computer course that she wanted me to take. I will never win.