I responded again tonite.....
This morning at 2am he sent an email that said he misses me.
I sent him an email tonite telling him that I was sorry for being distant. Why did I do that? I'm not sorry. I needed to be distant. I'm trying to c. reate distance. I guess I felt bad that I was making him worry. But I knew he understood.
He reponded tonite while I was out at dinner with my friend- "it's ok. You alright?" He knows I'm not alright. I know he does.
I responded,
"I am for the most part yes. I'm struggling with our situation or relationship or friendship or whatever it is.....but that's not something you can help me with. I'm just trying to handle it the best way I can."
He responded:
"I figured as much. I know its bad for the both of us but I just can't let you go. "
Sometimes i hate him for that.
But really he doesn't have a choice- I have that choice. It's just a very hard thing to do. I have chosen to end it. I just need it to be forever. So my strategy is to end it by phasing it out. I know I can't do cold turkey. So this is now 2 weeks......by next Saturday it will be 3 weeks....so if I cave and see him next week then the next time it will be 4 weeks, then 5, etc Meanwhile I'll keep working out, getting more confident....and then I'll be more ready.
I sent him an email tonite telling him that I was sorry for being distant. Why did I do that? I'm not sorry. I needed to be distant. I'm trying to c. reate distance. I guess I felt bad that I was making him worry. But I knew he understood.
He reponded tonite while I was out at dinner with my friend- "it's ok. You alright?" He knows I'm not alright. I know he does.
I responded,
"I am for the most part yes. I'm struggling with our situation or relationship or friendship or whatever it is.....but that's not something you can help me with. I'm just trying to handle it the best way I can."
He responded:
"I figured as much. I know its bad for the both of us but I just can't let you go. "
Sometimes i hate him for that.
But really he doesn't have a choice- I have that choice. It's just a very hard thing to do. I have chosen to end it. I just need it to be forever. So my strategy is to end it by phasing it out. I know I can't do cold turkey. So this is now 2 weeks......by next Saturday it will be 3 weeks....so if I cave and see him next week then the next time it will be 4 weeks, then 5, etc Meanwhile I'll keep working out, getting more confident....and then I'll be more ready.
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