I resisted

I wrote out a text message and then I saved it, without sending it.  Then I deleted it.  I am glad I did not send the text message today.  I did not send any text messages or emails yesterday either.  I am starting to feel stronger and more confident in my decission.  I am still having a hard time with being homeless, unemployed and over the lost of my closest family member well over a year ago.  It was very devastating although we knew it was terminal.  I never saw death the way I saw it when I had to be the sole care giver to my parent.  I latched onto the wrong person for support.  I met him through an online dating website.  I am going to work on sending out the cover letters and resumes I prepared yesterday before the storm came and knocked out the internet.  I am catching a cold and feeling run down and tired. 
I had a good talk with the friend I am staying with.  She suggested I watch the video I made of the fight I had with my ex to help me resist the urge to text him or contact him out of loneliness. 
Part of me still wants to fix everything and make it right but without his support I can't do it on my own.  He refused to attend counseling with me.  Anyway.  I feel feverish so I am not going to be too hard on myself today. 
I wanted to get my hair cut and go to the grocery store but I think I just need to rest.  I thought eating lunch would help give me energy but I don't think it did.  I just realized I haven't taken my medication yet today. 
Life goes on.