I really think it is me! I'm never happy...really happy!
Well life is going on, living like the Brady bunch! We have a normal family with normal issues...money...messy house...etc... nothing crazy or wild. I have plenty to keep me busy. I got a new job that I really like (doesn't pay what I wish it did, but money is not everything). Jerry got a job he loves as well. We were blessed to get them in this economy!
The kids are all healthy and happy and doing well. We have a crazy dog, a big Oscar fish and a funny African Grey Parrot that talks up a storm.
When I was alone, I prayed for a life just like this! Now I have it and I am still not satisfied?? Why?? I can not figure it out! I have a good man that treats me well. I have great kids, pets and even a step granddaughter, who cracks me up. We stay busy with sports and cookouts and trips to the beach, etc... I go through the motions and smile on the outside but I still feel unfulfilled for some reason. I don't get it!! Not at all!
I don't get the same joy as I used to get playing Mom and wife? Maybe it is my age? Who knows? I just feel like checking out and being left alone. My family goes out of their way to include me and try to please me but I am just grumpy a lot of the time. My boyfriend is funny and tries to make me laugh but a bearly crack a smile. If I don't figure out my problem. I am afraid he will give up on me. I wouldn't blame him. I want to leave me too!
The kids are all healthy and happy and doing well. We have a crazy dog, a big Oscar fish and a funny African Grey Parrot that talks up a storm.
When I was alone, I prayed for a life just like this! Now I have it and I am still not satisfied?? Why?? I can not figure it out! I have a good man that treats me well. I have great kids, pets and even a step granddaughter, who cracks me up. We stay busy with sports and cookouts and trips to the beach, etc... I go through the motions and smile on the outside but I still feel unfulfilled for some reason. I don't get it!! Not at all!
I don't get the same joy as I used to get playing Mom and wife? Maybe it is my age? Who knows? I just feel like checking out and being left alone. My family goes out of their way to include me and try to please me but I am just grumpy a lot of the time. My boyfriend is funny and tries to make me laugh but a bearly crack a smile. If I don't figure out my problem. I am afraid he will give up on me. I wouldn't blame him. I want to leave me too!
Replies
You\'re right, you have a lot to be thankful for. I think we women are just built to be complicated and hormones have a lot to do with it. I want to read your older posts to get a better idea of what you\'ve been through but what I wonder right now is maybe part of your unhappiness is trust issues. It makes us vulnerable when we give all of ourself to someone. I\'m reading into this from your last two sentences. I don\'t know if you are an anti-depressant or not or how you feel about them but it might help. I feel like that too sometimes that I\'m just not made to be happy. Do you exercise? I know personally it is a mood booster when those endorphins kick in. Keep up the positive thinking and counting those blessings because you really have a lot going for you. Hugs!
I thought my emotions were all related to relationship issues but realized recently that I am perimenapausal and once I started taking Estroven for that I slept better and felt less moody. I still seem to be more depressed than I think is normal but I am trying to manage without antidepressants because they can cause different issues for me. Whenever I feel real low I try to give myself a pep talk and tell myself it is temporary. Hang in there. Hugs!!
Thank you both for your comments. I think you both hit on major issues in my life. Trust!! What is that?? Don\'t think I have any left to give! And I turned 50 this year so yea I am in the middle of that whole change of life thing! I am not taking anything for depression (maybe I should) or to replace hormones I am surely lacking. I know I should talk to a doctor about all of it, I guess. I was just raised to \"snap out of it\" so I have been trying to deal with it on my own. Not working too well!
Thank you both for your comments. I think you both hit on major issues in my life. Trust!! What is that?? Don\'t think I have any left to give! And I turned 50 this year so yea I am in the middle of that whole change of life thing! I am not taking anything for depression (maybe I should) or to replace hormones I am surely lacking. I know I should talk to a doctor about all of it, I guess. I was just raised to \"snap out of it\" so I have been trying to deal with it on my own. Not working too well!
When I found the right antidepressant, it was like the shades on my windows opened. I thought, \"This is what other people feel like. Other people don\'t live every day wishing they could just die and get it over with.\" Now that may not be your problem, but don\'t unestimate a possible physical cause for your emotions. Menapause is powerful and I know there are people who believe that it\'s the way things are supposed to be and that you should just endure it, but if I have a headache a take an aspirin. I don\'t endure that. Whether it hormones or depression a visit to a doctor who is dedicated to helping you find the cause is not a bad thing. If you get some kind of medication and you don\'t feel better, go back. Say, \"this isn\'t working\". Keep at it until you find something that does. See a counselor. Talk it out. Do something to take care of yourself. There is no reason to suffer. My mother instilled that \"shape up or ship out \" message in my brain, but that was her and maybe it worked for her, but it doesn\'t work for me. I am on hormone replacement therapy and antidepressants. It doesn\'t mean life is always cheery, but then sometime life sucks. If life is great and you still feel bad have some bloodwork done. Find out what you are missing. Maybe it\'s something physical and don\'t forget the counselor. Maybe you don\'t see the whole picture and someone else would. Again, don\'t settle for the first one you see. Find one who seems to make a difference in your life, one you trust and have confidence in. There are counselors that are wrong for you and medications that won\'t works for you, but get some help. You don\'t have to work through it alone and, as always, we are here to listen. This is a wonderful site. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.
An audio tape titled, \"Attitudes of Gratitude\" helped me a lot too. I have a lot of negative self-talk going on in my head and I have to work hard to keep it from overwhelming me. My medication makes a real difference there, but sometime life is just not what we want it to be and sometimes we don\'t know what we want. Don\'t give up looking a solution. Get help. Make yourself a project. Find the answer to your mystery and don\'t give up until you do.
I know how you feel. Been there. Life can be better. Even do-it-yourselfers have tools and read books to build things. Why should building your happiness be any different? Good luck. Let me know how you are. ((((((hugs))))) Neo