I really REALLY need some help with this
I'll write another journal to catch everyone up about what this is about but a quick summery, this is my roommate that I was somewhat involved with. She has a meth addiction, I thought she quit and I even helped her get her kids back from her ex who sort of kidnapped them but now this keeps coming up. Any input within the next 24 hours would be really appreciated.
Dear **** This occurred to me a few days ago, after you told me you were still using: It seems I've done my best, tried my best to help you out and even put off a lot doing it because it seemed like the right thing to do. It seemed like things were finally looking up for you. Once you told me it just seemed like all the good thats been done so far was for nothing because you were just going to turn around and start using again anyways, bringing up a lot of the problems we worked so hard to fix again. If your going to continue to behave like this than I'm going to have to put some distance between us. I would have been willing to show up to that court case and appear as a witness but what good would it have done? Even if you win, if you keep going on like this it's all just going to come up again anyways. I'm a college student, I'm already struggling a lot to catch up in the stuff I've missed and, up until a few nights ago I felt pretty justified in taking that time off to help. Normally it seems any teacher and possibly even employer (if I really needed to take time off work, which I actually requested once already) would have been willing to excuse me for it. It seemed pretty reasonable and excusable. You know I love and care a lot about both you and your kids. While I can honestly and sincerely say you are a great mother, you still need to start treating yourself a lot better. I see no point in continuing to be as involved as I have been if its only going keep going on like this. While my appearance in that court case (if it had happened) would definitely help you a lot legally and it would help you keep the kids, ultimately your irresponsible use and lack of self-respect is just going to make it pretty meaningless. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be there for you if you ever need to talk to someone or you need the company of a good, trustworthy friend but until you do start to improve yourself I should probably devote a lot more time to myself. You have two kids and a life to pick up! You need to get yourself cleaned up and start living again. So far, I've been nothing but supportive and to see you continually making harmful, irrational decisions for yourself is starting to make me feel maybe my involvement in any of this right now isn't the best thing for me. I'd love to be a part of your life and your kids life but I need to back away from this until you've started clearing things up. I've been trying to figure out where to draw the line between trying to help and doing whats best for myself, I guess I found it... I actually had to talk to a few close friends about this to get a fresher perspective from people who aren't involved (two of them ex-users themselves). They all said pretty much the same thing. We should talk about all this in person some day but first, get yourself cleaned up! It seems like we have a lot to discuss but right now, talking over any of it isn't going to do any good unless your sober and have actually started making positive, healthy decisions for yourself again. If you ever really needed a good, supportive friend you know I'd be there for you but I can't continue to involve myself so heavily in this until you've cleaned up and started taking better care of yourself. I know from experience how important it is to have good, close, trustworthy friends. Its important to associate yourself with people who care about you and respect you, especially for someone with kids and even more important for someone with kids as young as your's. How do you think I've grown to be the person I am myself? In a way, a person's self image is reflected in the people they choose to have in their lives. If you have a positive self image, the people you surround yourself with will be positive too. It sort of works the other way around too, surrounding yourself with good, respectful people helps you feel better about yourself as well. I'll admit, I am a little afraid of sending this message because I don't want to put this distance between us, and I certainly don't want to keep this distance from you forever. If you do decide to respond to this, please think it over, I spent a whole day working it out and this last paragraph is the only part that I've just written without any revision or review. You know none of this will effect you living here, I assure you that. I want the best for all three of you and I wont do or say anything to harm any of you. This stays between us (and the close friends of mine I've chosen to share this message with to help me revise it). Love, Sam
(This is the updated and final revision, I just sent it a few seconds ago)
Dear **** This occurred to me a few days ago, after you told me you were still using: It seems I've done my best, tried my best to help you out and even put off a lot doing it because it seemed like the right thing to do. It seemed like things were finally looking up for you. Once you told me it just seemed like all the good thats been done so far was for nothing because you were just going to turn around and start using again anyways, bringing up a lot of the problems we worked so hard to fix again. If your going to continue to behave like this than I'm going to have to put some distance between us. I would have been willing to show up to that court case and appear as a witness but what good would it have done? Even if you win, if you keep going on like this it's all just going to come up again anyways. I'm a college student, I'm already struggling a lot to catch up in the stuff I've missed and, up until a few nights ago I felt pretty justified in taking that time off to help. Normally it seems any teacher and possibly even employer (if I really needed to take time off work, which I actually requested once already) would have been willing to excuse me for it. It seemed pretty reasonable and excusable. You know I love and care a lot about both you and your kids. While I can honestly and sincerely say you are a great mother, you still need to start treating yourself a lot better. I see no point in continuing to be as involved as I have been if its only going keep going on like this. While my appearance in that court case (if it had happened) would definitely help you a lot legally and it would help you keep the kids, ultimately your irresponsible use and lack of self-respect is just going to make it pretty meaningless. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be there for you if you ever need to talk to someone or you need the company of a good, trustworthy friend but until you do start to improve yourself I should probably devote a lot more time to myself. You have two kids and a life to pick up! You need to get yourself cleaned up and start living again. So far, I've been nothing but supportive and to see you continually making harmful, irrational decisions for yourself is starting to make me feel maybe my involvement in any of this right now isn't the best thing for me. I'd love to be a part of your life and your kids life but I need to back away from this until you've started clearing things up. I've been trying to figure out where to draw the line between trying to help and doing whats best for myself, I guess I found it... I actually had to talk to a few close friends about this to get a fresher perspective from people who aren't involved (two of them ex-users themselves). They all said pretty much the same thing. We should talk about all this in person some day but first, get yourself cleaned up! It seems like we have a lot to discuss but right now, talking over any of it isn't going to do any good unless your sober and have actually started making positive, healthy decisions for yourself again. If you ever really needed a good, supportive friend you know I'd be there for you but I can't continue to involve myself so heavily in this until you've cleaned up and started taking better care of yourself. I know from experience how important it is to have good, close, trustworthy friends. Its important to associate yourself with people who care about you and respect you, especially for someone with kids and even more important for someone with kids as young as your's. How do you think I've grown to be the person I am myself? In a way, a person's self image is reflected in the people they choose to have in their lives. If you have a positive self image, the people you surround yourself with will be positive too. It sort of works the other way around too, surrounding yourself with good, respectful people helps you feel better about yourself as well. I'll admit, I am a little afraid of sending this message because I don't want to put this distance between us, and I certainly don't want to keep this distance from you forever. If you do decide to respond to this, please think it over, I spent a whole day working it out and this last paragraph is the only part that I've just written without any revision or review. You know none of this will effect you living here, I assure you that. I want the best for all three of you and I wont do or say anything to harm any of you. This stays between us (and the close friends of mine I've chosen to share this message with to help me revise it). Love, Sam
(This is the updated and final revision, I just sent it a few seconds ago)
Replies
I just contacted her sponsor on this issue (she used my phone to call her at some point because she didn\'t have one at the time). She told me not to skip class for this, that it would only make things worse.. I agree. I also gave her my roomie\'s new number and hopefully they\'ll be talking soon.
Her response:
Dear Sam,
i respect your opinion and definitely agree with you, not necessarily on your methods of reaching out to Dustin, Kathleen and who knows whom else, but that was out of my control. i hope you wont find it too uncomfortable to be around me when you are here. i\'ll be back in outpatient next week. not the snag i\'d hoped for...but if the assessment debacle hadn\'t happened, i wouldn\'t found my new therapist when i really needed...i love her. for the record.....i have not been doing any drugs or drinking.
i am confident that i did the right thing, to not attend the court hearing. i pray everyday for Demian...that he\'s guided on a good path, so that he might be able to be respectful, civil and safe for the boys\' sake. Although i know that it\'s out of my hands and i have to focus on myself.
I would like to ask you to please have no further contact with my friends, family, etc. I made phone calls on your cell phone in confidence, not so that you could get the numbers to text and call them to talk story about me. it is only fair...ok? Although I know your intentions were good, the fact that you called kathleen, surprised and angered me. i suggest you go to alanon if you really feel you need to work things out for yourself...not \"out\" me nor use them for advice or counsel. they have no control over my disease nor me either.
i\'m aware that none of this would be an issue if i hadn\'t had problems but i am very grateful to be in the program and have the support that i need to keep this going...thank you for your friendship.
****