I REALLY NEED HELP!!!!

I really need some help here. I need the support of ANYONE out there to tell me that I'm not a bad person for all that I have done. I have been sending a few emails to my OW just to keep in touch, and to check on each others' lives. It is all innocent - we haven't seen each other and we haven't even spoke on the phone. We got found out. AM I HORRIBLE??? I mean, AM I??? Is email a bad thing? Especially when it is just finding out how someone is doing? Not to mention we could go months without emailing each other. It was so few and far between. I've got knots in my stomach trying to deal with this. To be quite honest, if someone were to ask me how it started, who started it, and how long we've been emailing - I truly wouldn't even know! That's how it just doesn't seem to matter much to me. She is just another friend out there who has been through the same battle with me.
And another thing, my W and I have been talking about separation and divorce. She is a complete roller coaster ride. She came to bed last night wanting to have sex and then crying when I told her that I was tired. She then started asking questions about what me and the OW did together. That started getting her horny and then started playing with herself. She then gave me head while getting herself off just to make herself feel good I guess. Then she was up half the night crying and sniffling. She finally got out of bed and slept on the couch. I got up and found her on the couch with pills on the table and she was holding a BUTCHER KNIFE in her hand while she was sleeping. When I tried to take it away she started pulling back and saying "please don't take my babies away". I've been an exceptional father, and I've NEVER lead her to believe that I was going to take the kids away from their mom. I sat in utter disbelief about what is going on with this woman. I'm so lost and confused, and sorry, and hurting for my own unhappiness, and hurting for her pain. I can't seem to help her anymore. It's all the smothering and emotional roller coaster BS that lead me to look elsewhere for normalcy and love in the first place, and now it just gets worse and worse.
I just need someone to tell me that I'm not a bad person here. I see this immature person who has so many emotional issues from childhood but won't get help and keeps me only out of pity for her and fear she will either hurt herself or my kids. I simply don't know what to do.
Please - all I need is for ANYONE to help me believe that I'm not a bad person....