I really feel like crying loud
I going to so brief because I am using my brother's phone internet, so my parents won't find out.
My parent's grabbed me inside their room and kept on lecturing me very painful words. I really felt offended that I am not special, my tears is in my eyes right now; I just want to cry very hard alone. They said I am a failure child and my brothers and cousins are better than me in everyway. They said that I don't have a heart and lack intelligence. To be very honest when I went to my first year uni my dad didn't have much more control on my studies than my mum. And my grades were waaaaay beyond good compared back in high school when my mum was under control of me, I said that to her today that if she is the one who will coming along this year repeating, failing is more then a gaurentee and next thing you know slaps and pulling my hair. I am very scared in failing now. I worked hard and really achieved good grades compared to high school results. And my mum find's it hard to see. She kept threatening me and worse taking every communication tech ie my phone, so I could lose touch to the world when I need it. My dad sometimes loves me and I can feel it, he pitys me alot and understands me; thats when we are alone but when my mum is around he is easily persuaded (maybe I spelt it wrong); he is my mum's best puppet; he could be the most coldest person towards then the nicest person in other times. But my mum is a mind control she know how to play her cards well.
After all of the verbal abusing that I had 15 minutes; I feel hopeless, dumb, stupid, freak, heartless, brainless that's what I have been said and more. I can't take it. I want to cry. I want to die not killed, at least death comes by surprise. I need a disease like cancer so I could be in hospital most of my life and talk to nurse and people. Is there any pills that can give me a disease or something; I am scared and gave up after what have been said to be. They looked scary then ever
I really hope to come back here soon, because I feel more comfort and safe even though they are around
My parent's grabbed me inside their room and kept on lecturing me very painful words. I really felt offended that I am not special, my tears is in my eyes right now; I just want to cry very hard alone. They said I am a failure child and my brothers and cousins are better than me in everyway. They said that I don't have a heart and lack intelligence. To be very honest when I went to my first year uni my dad didn't have much more control on my studies than my mum. And my grades were waaaaay beyond good compared back in high school when my mum was under control of me, I said that to her today that if she is the one who will coming along this year repeating, failing is more then a gaurentee and next thing you know slaps and pulling my hair. I am very scared in failing now. I worked hard and really achieved good grades compared to high school results. And my mum find's it hard to see. She kept threatening me and worse taking every communication tech ie my phone, so I could lose touch to the world when I need it. My dad sometimes loves me and I can feel it, he pitys me alot and understands me; thats when we are alone but when my mum is around he is easily persuaded (maybe I spelt it wrong); he is my mum's best puppet; he could be the most coldest person towards then the nicest person in other times. But my mum is a mind control she know how to play her cards well.
After all of the verbal abusing that I had 15 minutes; I feel hopeless, dumb, stupid, freak, heartless, brainless that's what I have been said and more. I can't take it. I want to cry. I want to die not killed, at least death comes by surprise. I need a disease like cancer so I could be in hospital most of my life and talk to nurse and people. Is there any pills that can give me a disease or something; I am scared and gave up after what have been said to be. They looked scary then ever
I really hope to come back here soon, because I feel more comfort and safe even though they are around
Replies
You are special. You are important. Keep saying that to yourself. You have have alot going on, its no wonder why your grades are they way they are. When I mentioned a plan. I mean 1 with a positive ending. Hear me, please.
You see how your parents influence the way you see your self. I told you how my father made me feel like I was a nothing, a idiot, good for nothing, Your father may feel love for you, but he obviously is also a cold man. He doesn\'t stick up for you and goes along with your mother. She is brainwashing him. If you had good grades, why are you doing it over. Did your grades go down because of your depression. Or your parent simply don\'t think you did well enough? Olivia is right, you do need a plan. Whether it to go to university or go get a job. I know you are intelligent. You know that. I don\'t know why your parents have a right to abuse you. Don\'t listen to their lies, that is what they are. They are desperately trying to control you by saying evil things to you. My father did it to keep me at home to take care of my sick mother so I was too scared to believe anything good about myself that other people told me. It hard to do well when you are so frightened all the time. You don\'t want to die, you want to survive, it will be difficult but to this day I try endlessly to help others who went through the same things I did. I know now that all the things I was told were lies. It how they control you. They think what there doing is fine. My father is narsistic. Sorry about my spelling. Everything revolved around him. To this day he is still like this, I found out because it is because he suffers form severe anxiety. Some people are just raised or born mean. I am telling you are a good, intelligent, sweet, person, who cares about others. I can tells this just by your writing and how you try to make others feel better even though you are in emotional pain. That says so much. You are nothing like your parents. Or like what they say. You haven\'t had any friends to tell you or to practice. I spent my of my years as a child taken care of my sick mother so I didn\'t learn to socialize. I didn\'t have friends. So I got behind. I did have anyone either to tell me I was good. There was no internet. You are special. Kind. I want you to stay on earth and prove your parents wrong. Because they are. so wrong... Erinn