I realized I need to not expect it.

Yesterday, I had an experience that triggered me. I was feeling so bad and distraught that I was going to lost it. Not only was I mentally and emotionally in pain, I was also physically in pain.  So I decided to call one of the sisters in my religious community for guidance. She did not answer so I left her a message. But shortly afterwards I realized that she would not be calling back and that I was left to do this on my own and that I can't expect anyone to care about me. So I decided to bathe and after my consult with a therapist, I decided to lay in bed. Sigh. I was so "sick" that I didn't have an appetite.
I have to accept the radical truth which is that this is the way my life is meant to be. Therefore I will have to do what I have to do in order to survive my turmoil.