I put a lot of pressure on Taz

I really do. Taz is like my rock in a lot of ways...I mean, she has tougher hide than I do, rougher skin on the outside even if her inside can be mush at times too. She is the type of person that does not think about a problem until she is faced with it, and that's when she starts to panic, whereas I am the complete opposite.I see the problems that CAN arise long before they are even in my face, then I worry about every single one of them. But, once I get ito my groove, I'm calm...but that's when Taz starts running into the problems and then things get out of hand. It's like this sick cycle that neither one of can prevent.
Like today...today was a good and bad day. I woke up early, sat around and made some new goals for myself, really tried to prioritize things and make a 'game plan' for the weeks to come. Then I got my visa, got my train pass, went home, and then got a haircut. Well, the hair cut was awful and I hate it...then the house was really dirty and took me forever to clean, then I had to open the window because I did laundry and bugs got in, then I finally got to rest after grocery shopping but I was pissed at that because there is no room in the refrigerator to keep anything other than my roommates food which she stocks quite often *sigh* // and sure enough, Taz gets online, laughs at my hair, and then I just wanna sit there and cry as I tell her all about my day and the things that go wrong.
Taz is strong, Taz is very wise, and she often offers me logical thought when I am being irrational...but even she does not like listening to me whine, moan, and complain. When I do that, she feels like I am blaming her for all the bad things in my life (which I am not). She feels as if I am angry at the world and nothing makes me happy (which isn't true) and it pushes her away. Even today she got off of Skype with me claiming to be tired and busy with laundry...but I know the truth. I could hear it in her voice that she was agitated with me because I had sat there and whined about how everything was so terrible for me right now and how my job was sucking out what little bit of a life I actually had by making me work weekends.
I know I should be thankful that I have a job...I know I should be thankful to be making money and to be saving up money for the big things...but at the same time, I know what bad things happen when Taz does not get attention like she wants it. Taz likes to cuddle and snuggle and go on adventures...not sit around and wait for me to come home. She likes to go to events and new cities, and even other countries...but, I won't able to do all that unless I get unpaid written consent by Amazon OR I call off work OR I somehow manage to build up a really good amount of vacation time. If I'm not there to meet Taz's needs...she will go on these adventures with someone else, and that bothers me...because I don't trust people. Even if Taz says she is in a relationship, I don't trust people to back off of her and not to try any moves...I know that Taz might get lonely with me being so busy, I guess I'm just afraid that my job will tear us apart. But the worse thing is that without a job, I am tearing us apart for sure because Taz doesn't want to keep paying for me forever, and I really do not blame her, not in the least bit. Still...all these thoughts have been swirling in my head, and as always, I speak these feelings to Taz and it makes her distant. It makes her feel like she has done something wrong and it makes her feel helpless because she can't really do anything to solve these issues of mine.
So...I really just have to ease up. Part of finding my path (one of my newest goals) is really letting go of negative emotions like dread and etc. I need to learn to move past negative emotions and thoughts and focus on the good things so that life will be so much better for me. Anyways...I have to get to bed. I have an early start tomorrow and dont want to miss the trains.