I Played Hookey Today.....
OK so I feel a little guilty about playing hookey today from work. I called my boss early this morning and told her that I didn't feel so great. Which wasn't a TOTAL FIB I didn't sleep very well last night due to the fact that stbx kept texting me last night. NO KATHI I DID NOT RESPOND!!! Don't get your panties in a wad I KEPT NO CONTACT OK. However I did read them. Just the basic how proud he is of me and to keep moving forward in a positive direction. Lets see then there was it makes him happy to see me doing so well with myself and Austin. Then the last one said just keep going and in time I will see this was the best thing for US??? He still has alot of stuff he is working on for HIMSELF but he wants me to RISE UP AND SHINE?????
Guess the bar had alot of specials on tap last night and he struck out with all the skanks too. When I didn't respond to any of them he sent one early this morning that said hope you got my messages last night I was thinking of you and the kids????? Now he NEVER cared if I SHINED when we were together he ALWAYS HAD TO HAVE THE ATTENTION. Plus he was NEVER HAPPY FOR ME FOR ANYTHING HE ALWAYS HAD TO ONE UP ME. For example if I lost 5 pounds he joined a gym so he could lose 10. If I got a raise or promotion then he would land a big job for the business. One time I bought a cheap stationary bike at the swap meet to use at night to help me with getting in shape. Remember I was 100 pounds heavier then, so he went out and bought a $200.00 mountain bike to go riding on the weekends ( without us mind you)
Now when he said " In time you will see that this was the best thing for both of us.' Why " IN TIME" I already know that... seems like he is the one that needs the reality check right. Anyway I have been working 3 schools over the whole summer and now the Preschool Summer Camps are quickly coming to a close and I start Teacher Training next week. I had to put together the whole years lesson plans for music and I was asked to Sub in for Kindergarden until they hire a full time K teacher. I feel like with working from 6:30 am until 6:30 pm all week then spending the weekends planning and getting ready the summer has passed me by. Austin and I didn't get to go anywhere except for a movie here and there and a few fieldtrips. So I just took the day to re-group and focus. We sat on out butts and watched movies and even ordered a PIZZA which I haven't had for months. Then I went up and had a mani - pedi by myself God I love those message chairs.
When I got home Austin was on the phone and as soon as I closed the door I heard Austin say " Mom dad wants to talk to you" I said i'm going in to take a bath honey I will make you dinner real soon. I heard him say " She is going to take a bath Dad maybe she will call you later" Why does he feel the need to tell me how proud he is of me and how wonderful I am and what a great mom I am but, I still don't want to come home because i'm working on stuff for me????? Why doesn't he just work on himself and leave me alone. Meeting on Wed with the Lawyers well my Lawyer he still doesn't have one because he thinks he is smarter than any Lawyer to finish up loose ends. The debt and turn in our Parenting Plan for Austin dividing up Holidays and crap if it was up to Me and Austin he wouldn't have to go at all. I hate that I even have to sit in a room with him with that smug look on his face telling me " Your doing great mama i'm so proud of you" OH SHUT UP RIGHT JUST SHUT YOUR FREAKING STUPID MOUTH!!!!! I know I will get through it i'm just tired of getting through shit I just want to be done!!!!!!
Guess the bar had alot of specials on tap last night and he struck out with all the skanks too. When I didn't respond to any of them he sent one early this morning that said hope you got my messages last night I was thinking of you and the kids????? Now he NEVER cared if I SHINED when we were together he ALWAYS HAD TO HAVE THE ATTENTION. Plus he was NEVER HAPPY FOR ME FOR ANYTHING HE ALWAYS HAD TO ONE UP ME. For example if I lost 5 pounds he joined a gym so he could lose 10. If I got a raise or promotion then he would land a big job for the business. One time I bought a cheap stationary bike at the swap meet to use at night to help me with getting in shape. Remember I was 100 pounds heavier then, so he went out and bought a $200.00 mountain bike to go riding on the weekends ( without us mind you)
Now when he said " In time you will see that this was the best thing for both of us.' Why " IN TIME" I already know that... seems like he is the one that needs the reality check right. Anyway I have been working 3 schools over the whole summer and now the Preschool Summer Camps are quickly coming to a close and I start Teacher Training next week. I had to put together the whole years lesson plans for music and I was asked to Sub in for Kindergarden until they hire a full time K teacher. I feel like with working from 6:30 am until 6:30 pm all week then spending the weekends planning and getting ready the summer has passed me by. Austin and I didn't get to go anywhere except for a movie here and there and a few fieldtrips. So I just took the day to re-group and focus. We sat on out butts and watched movies and even ordered a PIZZA which I haven't had for months. Then I went up and had a mani - pedi by myself God I love those message chairs.
When I got home Austin was on the phone and as soon as I closed the door I heard Austin say " Mom dad wants to talk to you" I said i'm going in to take a bath honey I will make you dinner real soon. I heard him say " She is going to take a bath Dad maybe she will call you later" Why does he feel the need to tell me how proud he is of me and how wonderful I am and what a great mom I am but, I still don't want to come home because i'm working on stuff for me????? Why doesn't he just work on himself and leave me alone. Meeting on Wed with the Lawyers well my Lawyer he still doesn't have one because he thinks he is smarter than any Lawyer to finish up loose ends. The debt and turn in our Parenting Plan for Austin dividing up Holidays and crap if it was up to Me and Austin he wouldn't have to go at all. I hate that I even have to sit in a room with him with that smug look on his face telling me " Your doing great mama i'm so proud of you" OH SHUT UP RIGHT JUST SHUT YOUR FREAKING STUPID MOUTH!!!!! I know I will get through it i'm just tired of getting through shit I just want to be done!!!!!!
Replies
You are doing fine. Good that you took the day off. Sometimes you need that, and you got to spend it with Austin - just relaxing - probably something that was a long time coming. You are an amazing lady and will be just fine. Your H is feeling guilty right now and misses the interaction that you had together, no matter how bad it was. Don\'t let his niceness fool you. Maybe someday you\'ll be able to be friendly to him, but that\'s not now - it\'s a long way away if it ever comes.
You are going to get through this. Just think of Disney - and how much fun you are going to have. When are you going? What month? Where are you staying? I love Disney too - would love to go back someday. I think next year if we can afford it, I want to take my daughter to Washington DC for April Vacation. If not next year, then definitely the year after. We\'ll take the train in and use the trolly system to get to where we need to go. DC is beautiful and so interesting. I\'m a history buff, so I love all that stuff. Got to see the ruby reds at the Smithsonian - amazing stuff there.
Again, don\'t let what he\'s saying make you slip too much. I know it hurts and causes you to question his reasons and think of losing the realtionship you wanted, but your doing a good job of remembering what the realtionship was really like. Good girl. (Hugs)
You are doing great. You are pretty well balancing your life to give everyone what they need. That includes you too. You have a goal to take Austin to Disney.
I\'m glad you held to \"no contact\". I know how hard that is to do. But perhaps it was good that you read those texts. You have no illusions about the reason he sent those to you. Persistent isn\'t he?
He is trying to ease his conscience by telling you how well you are doing on your own. How proud he is of you.(as if his pride in you matters) He\'s just plain trying to get your attention and when one way won\'t work he will try another.LOL.
I know your resolve to get this divorce done so you can move farther away from him. I wish I had been stronger with no contact during my divorce.
Keep up the good work and you and Austin have fun at Disney.
T, I\'m not yelling, screaming or scolding and I am glad that you didn\'t respond to those ridiculous text messages. HOWEVER, reading all the thoughts you had as a RESULT OF READING THEM tells me that the BEST THING FOR YOU would be to BLOCK HIS TEXTS!
Reading the b.s. he sends you is counter-productive to you keeping the focus on YOURSELF! My call on the b.s. he sends is that he is \"projecting\" -- what he tells you is what he really needs to be telling and doing HIMSELF! Maybe if you look at it THAT WAY, it won\'t get you so stirred up.
Having a final divorce is NOT going to change X\'s behavior; therefore, I am suggesting to you NOW that you and your attorney set up an arrangement whereby communication about Austin\'s visits, etc. be done by some other means than text messaging. Then, BLOCK THE X from sending you ANY TEXT MESSAGES.
Love you, kiddo. You are doing very well, but it won\'t really be over for awhile yet. xoxoxox
Sometimes we need to take a break from work so I applaud you for recognizing that.
So sorry the ex is being a pain with all of his messages. I am lucky .Mine is just the opposite.Just keep ignoring or if you can\'t ,block him like Kathi says.
You are doing great!
:) Maggie
I\'m proud of you for not responding to his texts. My ex used to say things like that to me on the phone during our divorce discussions--really pissed me off! It was just his way of easing his own conscience.
Good for you for taking a ME day and pampering and enjoying yourself. You do need these days during and even after divorce to recharge your batteries.
Sending big hugs!!!