I never learn

Why do I keep going back with this guy? I just read my journals from 2008 to now and if I stand back and look carefully at my own words what the heck am I doing this to myself for? All my problems besides depression, loneliness, and mood swings stem from this man who seems to be the only reason I have all these disorders in the first place?!! I just realized that since 2008 all my problems on here are caused at first by his leaving me for days, weeks, even months at times because he is afraid of commitment, unwilling to talk and compromise, and he makes all the decisions and if I disagree he leaves. So really its his way or he will leave me? Why have I kept doing this all these years? I do wonder if it is just me because I am bi polar, suffer from depression, and anxiety but when I think about it all and read my own journals I see that he is the cause of my being unable to stabilize. He causes me stress, pain, and causes me frustration to no end. If I say how I feel he says "You shouldn't feel that way" If I say anything it is as if i am talking to a wall because he never responds or talks to me or has anything helpful for us to come to a compromise or solution. HE basically does not talk about it and doesn't want me to either. He is the reason I am miserable all the time. Once he leaves for a while I begin to do things again and feel ok with myself and have a clear conscience and feel peace. Then he works his way back in and I end up letting him come back into my life ending up in misery. I am not happy with him and never have been. Why do I continue to hurt myself over and over? I am tired....