I need to vent
No because anything bad happened but I just need to talk.. First thing is-I am too needy.I hate being like this.I have a good life.I have three wonderful children.Of course they sometimes push my buttons or cause heartache but they are mind and I love them dearly.I have a wonderful husband who loves me.I know he does.He doesnt say it (which is part of my being needy because I want him to say it)but I know he does.I know in my heart and soul he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me or cheat on me.Some people may think I am crazy for being so trustworthy but thats what I do believe..But yet even though I feel this way I dont always feel that he loves me the same way that I love him.I dont think he is in love with me.I dont think he is 100% committed to the marriage.I dont think he always stops to think about my needs and wants.And because of this I am hard on him.I get mad/sad and I make things rocky between us.He has learned to ignore my grouchiness and nonsense but I make myself miserable.I have to learn to stop.I have to do for myself sometimes and worry about making me happy..I give 100% to everyone else and 0% to me..I am a full time employee at the clerk of courts office,I am a mother and a wife.Thats my life.It stops there..And I dont always feel appreciated..I dont even know how to put my feelings into words... Last night it hit me..The baby I lost last year would be celebrating his/her birthday this month. I am blessed to have the life I do have.I have a great job,wonderful children,loving family and this place for support with tons of friends I know I can count on.so why sometimes do I feel so alone?
Replies
I understand completly how you feel. And please know I am always here for you. You are a wonderful person and truly deserve the best.
WOW MY FRIEND..I CAN FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING..SOME TIMES YOU DO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. IT EASY TO SEE THAT YOU FEEL YOU HAVE NO \"LIFE\" EITHER, YOU NEED A MOMMIES DAY OUT..GET YOUR NAILS DONE DO SOMETHING FOR YOU. IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE MUTCH BUT ITS A START.
ILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU
I too know exactly what youre feeling...I have those times myself, and my wife is constantly feeling that way....it\'s tough, but you just gotta count on the ones you love and trust....you\'ll get through...*MWAH*
You feel so alone, because you have not filled yourself up yet. You are so busy filling everyoen else up, that you lovetank is empty. And if you dont\' have a husband who is very loving, then I can understand why you are feeling empty.
You need to find stuff for you. You need to learn who you are again. Not just making time for you, but activities or hobbies too. Things that will make Tracy happy regardless of anyone else and what they are giving or not giving you.
I have been here honey. I do understand. We get so wrapped up in playing all these different roles, we lose who we are. Well, its time you find yourself! I\'m here to support you and listen if you ever need anything!
i can definately relate girl...& i agree with flutter, u should go out and do something that u enjoy....hell get pampered...go to a spa,get a mani & pedi,see a movie, get ur self something nice, u deserve it! As for you feeling alone..im so sorry u feel like that & i wish i had the answers hun...but i\'m only a click away if u need me = ] take care!
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL MY BF IS THE SAME WAY I GIVE AND DO FOR HIM BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I DONT GET ENOUGH FROM HIM. AND NOW THAT MY HUSBAND HAS PASSED I NEED HIS SUPPORT MORE THAN EVER. HE HAS BEEN DOING BETTER. I JUST DONT KNOW ABOUT MEN ANY MORE THEY NEED TO GROW UP.
i think you have my life as far as the boyfriend thing back before he told me that he didn\'t love me
that if you are in love that you don\'t have to tell that person everyday that you love them ... but like most girls they love to here it you know ...
about needing time to yourself you i think every mother out there needs to take if not every weekened or every other weekened take a one two days from that weekened to do something for yourself if it is going to the movie with your girlfriends or mani & pedi ...
funny thing i tell you that andi don\'t do it myself ...
i usally get time away to myself about oncea month and that is at my moms house where there is yelling screaming and constant fighting .... So my weekened is pretty much shot when i go to my moms house ...
well i hope that helps ....
hope everythign gets better ....
i think you have my life as far as the boyfriend thing back before he told me that he didn\'t love me
that if you are in love that you don\'t have to tell that person everyday that you love them ... but like most girls they love to here it you know ...
about needing time to yourself you i think every mother out there needs to take if not every weekened or every other weekened take a one two days from that weekened to do something for yourself if it is going to the movie with your girlfriends or mani & pedi ...
funny thing i tell you that andi don\'t do it myself ...
i usally get time away to myself about oncea month and that is at my moms house where there is yelling screaming and constant fighting .... So my weekened is pretty much shot when i go to my moms house ...
well i hope that helps ....
hope everythign gets better ....
I was a beautiful 18 year old when I met my ex husband. He was almost 30, he was so into me the first year, we talked into the night, laughed and was just happy. When my son was born he literally went to buy a tv and said that that is what parents do. And that was my life, he worked- I stayed home, cooked, cleaned, breastfed...you name it, but seeing as I wasn\'t raking in the big bucks I was reduced to null and void. He was a Libra who hated confrontation, so he would leave it until it is almost too much for me and jump in at the last second to rescue me from myself if I started to carry on like a lunatic from frustration, Typical victim/perpetrator syndrome. Except- I got tired of it, I got tired of being scared that he is going to leave me, that he is going to have an affair, which he did, I just got tired. He wanted us to do things separately, which was initially really hard for me, but it got easier. I eventually started to enjoy going out with the girls, having fun, getting attention, which I never took seriously although it gave me a much needed confidence boost. That also got him noticing me again- but this time in a jealous and possessive way- he could never give a shit where I was, what I was doing- I wore no make up, I had my beautiful hair tied. constantly to not draw attention to myself- all for him. But I lost myself in the process. It sometimes feel as if that fucking tv he carried in there stole my life. There was no participation with me and the kids, I cooked and cleaned day in and day out, and he would walk in from sitting behind a desk the whole day, and fall on the couch to be fed, and eventually at one in the morning I would go and either wake him to come to bed or just throw a blanket over.
Loneliness- never accept it lying down- it is our G-d given right to love, be loved and be happy. However, I compromised myself for 7 years, and I would have carried on for another 30, who knows, he was unfaithful and that was the killer for me.
It left me so numb. I am thinking of you..... xxx
OK! I TOTALLY FEEL YOU MAMA!!! YOU KNOW I DO AND YOU KNOW WHICH \"DEPARTMENT\" I FEEL YOU IN. SENDING A MESSAGE NOW!!! LOVE YOU GIRL!
Thanks to everyone who has commented on this journal..I have some things I have to deal with and I am trying to learn how to do those.The support of all of you means the world to me..Love you all..