I need to touch you
Joe
This is my first weekend alone in this house. I didnt go to brooklyn with my family and the pain of us not being here together is like nothing I have ever felt. It is oging to be 60 degrees and we would have opened the windows or taken a ride upstate to breathe the fresh air.
I saw a very short video clip of your friend Pete at our Mini Wedding. You looked so cute in the suit you hated to wear and that smile when Pete decided to toast us. Pete said how he loved both of us and we should have a wonderful life together, but if he loved me than why has he never called me or stopped over since you left? Of course you made a joke before he spoke! It is the only words I have of you. There is no more phone message and no other video at all anywhere. I went through all the camera chips last night longing to see you moving or hear you speak just one more time. I watched you in one clip when you proudly shot the new rifle I bought you and taught crys and Jim how to shoot, but you didnt speak at all. But that smile after you took the shot and must have hit your target. I loved that silly smile.
I dreamt I was able to go back to work last night. The same dream I longed for all year while you were here with me. Only this time I was at the job and talked about you to everyone. For some reason I was folding your socks and looking for you so that you would have them.
I am sorry I broke down so badly last night and again this morning. I dont want you to feel guilty for leaving me. It was not your choice and I know that. I just feel such pain in my heart when i think of what was suppose to be. Why was our "married" time so incredibly short? I woke at 7 this morning to the sound of your desk chair cracking and thought you had sat down in it and then I remembered you were not hear anymore. I jumped up and ran to look in the den to see if you were there, but you were not. Then I heard the birds outside and it was beautiful. They came back since the weather is so warm and your Abbey girl slep next to me in her hut and waited for my eyes to open before she ran to see the birds outside.
I need your tremendous strength right now. I know you would have been stronger if it was me that left. You were always able to move on in a matter of hours and it amazed me. I think you just held your pain inside when you lost your parents and brother over the past ten years. You know me, I am still a mess over losing my dad so suddenly and that was ten years ago. I guess you finally got to really know my daddy now. You guys never really had a chance to sit and talk or even meet and now is the time. Can you tell him I love him and you know I adore you so much.
I talked too much today. I just have so much to say to you...even with me talking to you all day long. My heart will always be yours. Me~
This is my first weekend alone in this house. I didnt go to brooklyn with my family and the pain of us not being here together is like nothing I have ever felt. It is oging to be 60 degrees and we would have opened the windows or taken a ride upstate to breathe the fresh air.
I saw a very short video clip of your friend Pete at our Mini Wedding. You looked so cute in the suit you hated to wear and that smile when Pete decided to toast us. Pete said how he loved both of us and we should have a wonderful life together, but if he loved me than why has he never called me or stopped over since you left? Of course you made a joke before he spoke! It is the only words I have of you. There is no more phone message and no other video at all anywhere. I went through all the camera chips last night longing to see you moving or hear you speak just one more time. I watched you in one clip when you proudly shot the new rifle I bought you and taught crys and Jim how to shoot, but you didnt speak at all. But that smile after you took the shot and must have hit your target. I loved that silly smile.
I dreamt I was able to go back to work last night. The same dream I longed for all year while you were here with me. Only this time I was at the job and talked about you to everyone. For some reason I was folding your socks and looking for you so that you would have them.
I am sorry I broke down so badly last night and again this morning. I dont want you to feel guilty for leaving me. It was not your choice and I know that. I just feel such pain in my heart when i think of what was suppose to be. Why was our "married" time so incredibly short? I woke at 7 this morning to the sound of your desk chair cracking and thought you had sat down in it and then I remembered you were not hear anymore. I jumped up and ran to look in the den to see if you were there, but you were not. Then I heard the birds outside and it was beautiful. They came back since the weather is so warm and your Abbey girl slep next to me in her hut and waited for my eyes to open before she ran to see the birds outside.
I need your tremendous strength right now. I know you would have been stronger if it was me that left. You were always able to move on in a matter of hours and it amazed me. I think you just held your pain inside when you lost your parents and brother over the past ten years. You know me, I am still a mess over losing my dad so suddenly and that was ten years ago. I guess you finally got to really know my daddy now. You guys never really had a chance to sit and talk or even meet and now is the time. Can you tell him I love him and you know I adore you so much.
I talked too much today. I just have so much to say to you...even with me talking to you all day long. My heart will always be yours. Me~
Replies
Annie,
Wow, I read this and you reminded me of Carmelo and I. Carmelo was raised in Brooklyn, NY. He had the same silly way of teasing and saying such out burst that made people laugh.
Just a few months after he passed, I came across a video of my teenage son dancing with his friends to hip hop music and my Carmelo\'s voice was in the background telling them he was going to be their manager and how great they were doing and then all of a sudden he bursted out with Your making me horny.
The boys all stopped and everyone was cracking up so hard from his remark. It was priceless but when I came across it, the tears just flooded.
I was only with my Carmelo 6 years Annie and I too wonder why it was so short and how come when I finally met someone who I was so good to me, why did I lose him so soon.
Wow and yes my father passed in 2002 and I took it so hard, when I met Carmelo in 2004, all he heard about was my father and I kept comparing Carmelo to my dad. I told him they would of gotten along so well, I am sure they are together now, just like your dad and Joe are.
Sending you a very huge heart felt hug,
((((HUG
I had only known Joe a year when my dad collapsed at his friends house just a few blocks away. I got a call from the fire department to pick up my mom and go to the house. Joe flew and to us there while they tried to revive my dad> We followed the amulance to the hospital but they put us in a room that we knew meant it was not good. They came it right away and told us there was nothing more they could do. Joe told them to take the tubes out of my dad before we went in to see him and he stayed throught the next few days to help us all out.
Yes, the only words I have left from Joe and they were a joke. I also found a card that he gave me for no reason and it said \"what would I do without you...I would be so lost...lost and horny!!!!\" He wrote in the card that I was the best thing that ever happened to him in his life and he would love me forever. I have a whole wall of cards that he wrote beautiful things in. I need to see them right now. I wish you lived closer to me. I have not met anyone who has been through this. My mom lost my dad but she has so many friends and neighbors who keep her busy. I am so alone out here in queens. Love Ann
Awe Ann, Joe sounds like my Rock Carmelo. I know if he had known me when my dad was dying he would of been there for me too.
I am glad you have those beautiful cards and yes I wish we lived closer too. I used to live with Carmelo in Ct. but we moved to Texas when he closed his Paving and Excavating business to retire early.
He knew the cold was too hard on me because I am originally from Southern Calif and the snow just made my Fibromyalgia flare up something fierce. At the time, we thought I just had a bad case of arthritis, till I moved to Texas and the doctors found out it was Fib.
Even when he was bedridden, it flared but I still took care of him as best I could.
I am here for you Annie,
Love you too,
Judy
http://www.wabcradio.com/FlashPlayer/default.asp?SPID=22807&ID=2050461
copy and paste this. Your carmelo would have loved it from brooklyn!! Sounds like our men with their silly language and jokes...enjoy
Ann, I also questioned why Melvin and I had such a short married life until I came across this quote which said, It doesn\'t matter how love doesn\'t matter about counting the years, what matters is making the years count. I am an only child. My mother died in 1976 so I just had my dad. He passed in 2000 and I wish so many times that I had someone to go through that with. I wish that I had known Melvin at that time. It would have helped me so much. I wish some peace and comfort for you. Hugs, Anne
Awe, I am typing through tears, thank you Annie, I felt it was a Christmas greeting from Carmelo (through you).
Hugs & Love you,
Judy
Bodabing, Carmelo would put on the Santa Suit if I had to. :) He was a big ole hard guy but a bowl of pudding inside (my little boy). :) I always looked up to him as my strong rock but when he was so ill and had a 4 year old mind, I still looked at him as my rock, even though I took care of him.
Hugs & Love Sweet Friend,
Judy
*he not I