I need to get out of here
I am extremely distressed today! I cannot seem to calm down - even after taking one of my stress pills.
All because of a rude email I got this morning (on top of the general "my life sucks" thing.)
I've been living in Maine for the last 4 1/2 years and I hate it here. I have had several disasters, not the least of which was a catestrophic failure of my heating and plumbing system 2 winters ago.
I've been back and forth about this for years now - my family is all in southern New England, except for my brother, who lives here with me. I own the house, and judging by the housing market it will be hard to sell. But I don't trust my brother to care for the place in my absence, so I would have to sell it.
A year after I moved up here, I adopted my grandaughter, who has behavioral problems. The stress that this has caused me is enormous, and I have almost no support up here. I need other members of the family to shoulder some of this in order to survive. She is always in trouble at school, but many of the things that she is getting into trouble over are so minor that they would not even be noticed in a city school.
The school department up here is very strict and intolerant of behavioral problems. They simply have not got the resources to cope with any disturbances, so they have a "zero tolerance" policy on many issues - including politically incorrect statements.
For me, however, the experience has been appalling. I have been out of work for the better part of 5 years and am going completely insane. I am bored out of my mind and depressed, and sometimes cannot find a reason to get dressed in the morning. I've been spending way too much time playing Farmville and not doing things that with actually help me to move on.
And move on is what I have to do - I'm sure of this. As sure as I've ever been about anything! I don't like anything much about living in Maine - and this town is not a very welcoming place. I have very little interaction with anyone, other than the school, counselors, and my brother, but the few indiginous people that I do actually interact with have not made it pleasant for me.
I sunk everything into buying this property with the hopes that my life would be better here, but I have found that this community is judgemental and condescending, as are many of the people that I have had encounters with.
I lived in Providence for 30 years: I was burgled 20 times; there was a drive by shooting across the street from my house; and I had better neighbors than I have here. One was parking his trailer in one part of my yard and his oil-leaking pickup on my front lawn. One came over and screamed in my face for 1/2 hour because some of my mulch blew into his yard. Most ignore me, as I ignore them.
When I lived in the city, ignoring passers-by was the norm. You could go days without having a conversation with anyone, and nobody thought about it. But there were also places you could go and have a conversation with a relative stranger, and people that you would frequently run into there. I miss that so much that it makes my heart ache.
I sit here, day after day, doing relatively nothing because I have no energy to do anything constructive. In the last 2 weeks, for instance, I have gone grocery shopping, gotten gas and cigarettes, done some house work, and played computer games. The only really constructive thing I've really done is pick up and plant several seedlings for my herb garden.
Having an herb garden is no reason to stay here...
All because of a rude email I got this morning (on top of the general "my life sucks" thing.)
I've been living in Maine for the last 4 1/2 years and I hate it here. I have had several disasters, not the least of which was a catestrophic failure of my heating and plumbing system 2 winters ago.
I've been back and forth about this for years now - my family is all in southern New England, except for my brother, who lives here with me. I own the house, and judging by the housing market it will be hard to sell. But I don't trust my brother to care for the place in my absence, so I would have to sell it.
A year after I moved up here, I adopted my grandaughter, who has behavioral problems. The stress that this has caused me is enormous, and I have almost no support up here. I need other members of the family to shoulder some of this in order to survive. She is always in trouble at school, but many of the things that she is getting into trouble over are so minor that they would not even be noticed in a city school.
The school department up here is very strict and intolerant of behavioral problems. They simply have not got the resources to cope with any disturbances, so they have a "zero tolerance" policy on many issues - including politically incorrect statements.
For me, however, the experience has been appalling. I have been out of work for the better part of 5 years and am going completely insane. I am bored out of my mind and depressed, and sometimes cannot find a reason to get dressed in the morning. I've been spending way too much time playing Farmville and not doing things that with actually help me to move on.
And move on is what I have to do - I'm sure of this. As sure as I've ever been about anything! I don't like anything much about living in Maine - and this town is not a very welcoming place. I have very little interaction with anyone, other than the school, counselors, and my brother, but the few indiginous people that I do actually interact with have not made it pleasant for me.
I sunk everything into buying this property with the hopes that my life would be better here, but I have found that this community is judgemental and condescending, as are many of the people that I have had encounters with.
I lived in Providence for 30 years: I was burgled 20 times; there was a drive by shooting across the street from my house; and I had better neighbors than I have here. One was parking his trailer in one part of my yard and his oil-leaking pickup on my front lawn. One came over and screamed in my face for 1/2 hour because some of my mulch blew into his yard. Most ignore me, as I ignore them.
When I lived in the city, ignoring passers-by was the norm. You could go days without having a conversation with anyone, and nobody thought about it. But there were also places you could go and have a conversation with a relative stranger, and people that you would frequently run into there. I miss that so much that it makes my heart ache.
I sit here, day after day, doing relatively nothing because I have no energy to do anything constructive. In the last 2 weeks, for instance, I have gone grocery shopping, gotten gas and cigarettes, done some house work, and played computer games. The only really constructive thing I've really done is pick up and plant several seedlings for my herb garden.
Having an herb garden is no reason to stay here...
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