I need to free myself.

I have been with my husband since I was 20 (35 years old now).I was a single mom and very overwhelmed when I met him. I was naieve and said yes to a relationship that has since caused much deep pain for me. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. For the longest time he had me convinced I was just too sensitive, that I was crazy and just seeing harm where there really was none. My spirit began to slowly die. Soon I was just a shadow of myself. I wanted so badly to leave but I had lost all belief in myself (he had me believing no one else would want me) and he had threatened to drag me through the mud and take the kids. My children are my reason for living. His abusive words add to the depression I have have dealt with since 12 years old. At one point 7 years ago he got me to the point that I felt like a waste of space and wanted to die. I was hospitalized for several weeks. I feel like he is pushing me there again and I refuse to go back. Today because I wanted to go out with my friends which I havnt done in a long while, he felt insecure and said I was going to go out whoring. I finally got angry and held onto it. I know I need to leave. For my children's sake and mine. But I have been with this man for so long that I feel like I know nothing else. I am so scared about how he will react.


 

Replies

andrea2404
andrea2404

Just leave him. I'm in the same boat, but I'm pregnant. I will leave him because I barely know who I am anymore, it bothers him when I'm happy so I stopped and now I'm sad all day and night... Just leave him, trust me. It only gets better when you free yourself. Give yoursel and your kids a chance <3
MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors

Hon, you really need to have a SAFE plan for your and your children in place. Please contact your local shelter and ask them for help in making that plan. You can also ask them for referrals to attorneys and therapists who understand the dynamics and effects of abuse. (many do not) And whatever you do, do NOT let on to your husband that you're even thinking about it. I'm in the process of writing up a list of important preparations to do before leaving that I plan on posting in the P&E group. If you want the rough draft, please pm me and I will pm it back to you. It's pretty much all there, but just needs a little polishing. Whatever you decide, please take good care of you first and foremost. ~healing hugs~