I need to free myself.
I have been with my husband since I was 20 (35 years old now).I was a single mom and very overwhelmed when I met him. I was naieve and said yes to a relationship that has since caused much deep pain for me. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. For the longest time he had me convinced I was just too sensitive, that I was crazy and just seeing harm where there really was none. My spirit began to slowly die. Soon I was just a shadow of myself. I wanted so badly to leave but I had lost all belief in myself (he had me believing no one else would want me) and he had threatened to drag me through the mud and take the kids. My children are my reason for living. His abusive words add to the depression I have have dealt with since 12 years old. At one point 7 years ago he got me to the point that I felt like a waste of space and wanted to die. I was hospitalized for several weeks. I feel like he is pushing me there again and I refuse to go back. Today because I wanted to go out with my friends which I havnt done in a long while, he felt insecure and said I was going to go out whoring. I finally got angry and held onto it. I know I need to leave. For my children's sake and mine. But I have been with this man for so long that I feel like I know nothing else. I am so scared about how he will react.