I need to find a balance in my life
between a out of control child, a man who can't keep it in his pants, and finances that are through the roof, I don't know what to do.
My oldest is out of control, with alcohol and drugs, and my man thinks that messing around on me is fine and dandy, and my finances are so much that I don't even know where to start.
I woke up this morning and jumped in the shower and sang at the top of my lungs. I wish there would be some moving fwd, here but I feel stuck in mud. Like a square wheel, thunk,,,thunk,,,,thunk,,,,thunk.
I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, but would it do any good? I don't know, I see my mans other woman, and want to tear into her, yet I am not strong enough to make any moves, so I take it out on him, because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Then I feel like an idiot because I couldn't control my emotions and let it go, i mean after all its been 9mos. and I still haven't got over it, it's like its only happened yesterday though. I feel like a whining baby. So i wonder is our relationship even worth hanging onto. Should I just let him go? He has asked me if that is what I want him to do. Maybe that is what I should do just tell him its over.
As for my daughter, she sees it as me overreacting, she hit my son in the head, and then I put a restraining order on her, and she makes it sound like I am over reactin. how is that Overreacting? I need to protect my child. She makes it into some whole other issue. Then my children at home are crying for her, and I want to make it better for them, they are all angry at me for protecting them? what is a mother supposed to do, push them out of my protective arms for the lions to devour? my aunt tells me as long as my daughter can't have contact with the children, she is staying away, because I only discipline her and not my other children. Hmmm? And my children are close to their grandma, and she is hurting them, should I have put an RO on her too?
Why is my world so messed up, and how come I have to be the strong one, can I have a nervous breakdown? I feel like I am going crazy with all this stuff happening and can't seem to handle it. Then all I'm told to do is pray, and be strong. Um all my life I have been strong...holding on to my own living with an alcoholic mom, driving her home at 2 am in the morning at 9 yrs old because she was too drunk to drive. Wondering if she would be drunk when I got home, so tired of wondering that I run away for 3 days, and get whipped because of it. By my whole family, and beat up by my bio mom.
All three of my relationships have been in one way or another abusive, and all three have cheated on me, and two of them have been either an alcoholic/drug addict. I feel it in my heart this relationship is going to end soon, when it does, I will cry, hurt, get angry, then move on in life, I won't be in another relationship I will just stay single.
Then i show up to work and hear my "friend" talking about me being a drunken slut, when it was her that was the drunken slut and not me.
So yeah I feel like the sky is falling and can I handle carrying the world on my shoulder. ugh! I just waiting for the chips to fall where they may. If my relationship ends, so be it. If my daughter wants to blame me for her life, so be it.
I am feeling just a bit mad at the world today.
My oldest is out of control, with alcohol and drugs, and my man thinks that messing around on me is fine and dandy, and my finances are so much that I don't even know where to start.
I woke up this morning and jumped in the shower and sang at the top of my lungs. I wish there would be some moving fwd, here but I feel stuck in mud. Like a square wheel, thunk,,,thunk,,,,thunk,,,,thunk.
I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, but would it do any good? I don't know, I see my mans other woman, and want to tear into her, yet I am not strong enough to make any moves, so I take it out on him, because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Then I feel like an idiot because I couldn't control my emotions and let it go, i mean after all its been 9mos. and I still haven't got over it, it's like its only happened yesterday though. I feel like a whining baby. So i wonder is our relationship even worth hanging onto. Should I just let him go? He has asked me if that is what I want him to do. Maybe that is what I should do just tell him its over.
As for my daughter, she sees it as me overreacting, she hit my son in the head, and then I put a restraining order on her, and she makes it sound like I am over reactin. how is that Overreacting? I need to protect my child. She makes it into some whole other issue. Then my children at home are crying for her, and I want to make it better for them, they are all angry at me for protecting them? what is a mother supposed to do, push them out of my protective arms for the lions to devour? my aunt tells me as long as my daughter can't have contact with the children, she is staying away, because I only discipline her and not my other children. Hmmm? And my children are close to their grandma, and she is hurting them, should I have put an RO on her too?
Why is my world so messed up, and how come I have to be the strong one, can I have a nervous breakdown? I feel like I am going crazy with all this stuff happening and can't seem to handle it. Then all I'm told to do is pray, and be strong. Um all my life I have been strong...holding on to my own living with an alcoholic mom, driving her home at 2 am in the morning at 9 yrs old because she was too drunk to drive. Wondering if she would be drunk when I got home, so tired of wondering that I run away for 3 days, and get whipped because of it. By my whole family, and beat up by my bio mom.
All three of my relationships have been in one way or another abusive, and all three have cheated on me, and two of them have been either an alcoholic/drug addict. I feel it in my heart this relationship is going to end soon, when it does, I will cry, hurt, get angry, then move on in life, I won't be in another relationship I will just stay single.
Then i show up to work and hear my "friend" talking about me being a drunken slut, when it was her that was the drunken slut and not me.
So yeah I feel like the sky is falling and can I handle carrying the world on my shoulder. ugh! I just waiting for the chips to fall where they may. If my relationship ends, so be it. If my daughter wants to blame me for her life, so be it.
I am feeling just a bit mad at the world today.
Replies
I am sorry you are going through such a rough time and are in a rough place. Even if he did cheat on you 9 months ago, don\'t feel like a whining baby! You have a right to be upset, I would be! But, you should think about whether or not you can be with someone who did this to you. If so, you will eventually have to find forgiveness, if you think you can do that. If not, which is very understandable, then maybe it\'s best to move on. You did what was best for your family with the daughter situation, I am sorry that is so hard to go through. I hope things look up soon.