i need to be punished......

i told my mom today-AGAIN-that i was raped in january 2010 and she was very sorry about it and didn't yell at me or anything....she claimed i never told her, but i told her i did and whatever....and i explained why i had the urges to self injure because i need to be punsihed....i didn't do anything to stop him from doing what he did....i am to blame and i should be punished.....i owe it to myself to hurt myself....i hope that makes sense....