I NEED HELP: I DON\'T WANNA BE A THUG NO MORE, BUT I AM.

AFTER MY THIRD TIME IN A DARK HOLE WHICH IS KNOWN AS JAIL, I NEED THE THUG IN GZUS TO DIE, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE SURE HE NEVER WILL RETURN AGAIN.  I NEED HELP AND I HAVE NOWHERE TO TURN.  ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BATTLED THIS EXTREMELY DARK AND VIOLENT SIDE THAT BREAKS OUT INTO A BLIND RAGE WHEN I GET BACKED INTO A CORNER IN LIFE.  I AM VERY CARNAL, AND I LIVE HALF OF MY LIFE IN THE FLESH.  I CUSS, I SMOKE, I DRINK ON OCCASION, I'VE HAD PREMARITAL SEX, I WATCH PORN, I SMOKE WEED ON OCCASION, I HAVE LISTENED TO VERY HARDCORE HIP-HOP SINCE I WAS 7 YEARS OLD, AND WORST OF ALL, I HAVE VIOLENTLY ATTACKED PEOPLE 6-8 TIMES SINCE I WAS IN 6TH GRADE, AND PUNCHED NUMEROUS HOLES IN THE WALL AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE AFTER MY DAD DIED. I AM A VERY ANGRY PERSON, AND I NEED HELP TO CHANGE ALL THIS, AND YET NO RESOURCES OR MONEY TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  THIS IS THE SAD STORY OF MY LIFE.  I MAKE DECISIONS AND CHOICES WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THE DIRE CONSEQUENCES THAT COME WITH THOSE CHOICES.  I AM VERY EMOTIONAL, AND I AM VERY PASSIONATE, AND SOMETIMES THAT INTENSE EMOTION CAN BE PROVOKED VERY VERY EASILY, AND VERY VERY QUICKLY, AND I'M LEFT WITH THE CONSEQUESES OF MY ACTIONS WHICH LEADS TO MY LIFE BEING A COMPLETE MESS, AND THE WORST PART IS, IT IS 100% ALL MY FAULT.    SINCE I GOT SAVED BY THE LORD JESUS ON APRIL 7TH, 1993 AT AGE 15, I WAS TAUGHT TO BELIEVE THAT I WAS FULLY FORGIVEN FOR ALL OF MY SINS PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS ON EARTH.  I WAS TAUGHT THAT ALL OF MY SINS WERE COVERED BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS BECAUSE HE DIED ON THE CROSS TO FORGIVE ME ONCE AND FOR ALL SO ALL OF MY THOUSANDS OF SINS WOULD BE "PAID IN FULL."  I WAS TAUGHT, AMAZING GRACE, HOW SWEET THE SOUND, THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME.  I KNEW I WAS A WRETCH AND I BELIEVED THAT GOD COULD SAVE ME THROUGH HIS AMAZING GRACE NO MATTER WHAT SIN I COULD EVER DO...SO, I JUST LIVED MY LIFE AND DID MY BEST TO LOVE AND ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE, AND NOT TO CARE WHAT THEIR SIN WAS BECAUSE JESUS DIED TO COVER IT WITH HIS BLOOD.  THERE'S MANY OF EXAMPLES IN THE GOSPELS OF THIS, FROM THE PRODICAL SON, TO THE WOMAN AT THE WELL, TO THE WOMAN ABOUT TO GET STONED, ALL THE WAY TO MY PERSONAL FAVORITE OF THE THIEF ON THE CROSS NEXT TO HIM, TELLING HIM THAT TODAY YOU WILL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE.  EVEN THOUGH I REALLY DON'T STEAL ANYTHING THAT I KNOW OF, I IDENTIFIED WITH THAT THIEF BECAUSE I KNEW THAT THERE WAS NO WAY THAT HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH OR WORTHY OF BEING SAVED YET HE BELIEVED IN JESUS CHRIST, AND HE WAS SAVED INSTANTLY BEFORE HIS DEATH.  I THEN HEARD THIRD DAY'S SONG THAT IS CALLED THIEF AND THE WAY THEY PERSONALIZE IT, I JUST KNEW THAT SONG WAS THE THEME FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AS A BELIEVER IN JESUS CHRIST.  INSTEAD OF BEING A THIEF, I KNEW I HAD THE PERSONA THAT WAS KNOWN AS BEING A THUG IN TODAY'S SOCIETY.  FROM LISTENING TO GANGSTA RAPPERS LIKE BONE:  THUGS-N-HARMONY, 2PAC, DR. DRE, SNOOP DOGG, HOUSE OF PAIN, EMINEM, TRICK DADDY, TOO SHORT, 2 LIVE CREW, ICE-T, ICE CUBE, WESTSIDE CONNECTION, AND I COULD GO ON AND ON BECAUSE I IDENTIFIED WITH THE RAPPERS LIFE STYLE GROWING UP IN MARYVALE WHICH IS A GHETTO OF PHOENIX, ARIZONA.  SINCE I WAS 7, I BOUGHT OVER 350 CASSETTE TAPES OF HIP-HOP, MOST OF BEING HARD CORE PARENTAL ADVISORY SHIT, AND THEN I GOT INTO A BIG BAD FIGHT WITH MY WIFE AT THE TIME, AND I BELIEVED THAT ALL THE HARD CORE HIP-HOP WAS TO BLAME, SO I GOT THE DUMPSTER AND TOSSED EVERY SINGLE PARENTAL ADVISORY TAPE I HAD WHICH WAS OVER 200.  THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS AFTER THAT, I WAS MISERABLE BECAUSE BEING A COCKY, ARROGANT THUG WAS SO MUCH OF WHO I REALLY WAS AS A PERSON.  WELL, I RELAPSED AS THEY SAY AND TOOK THE BIGGEST CREDIT CARD I COULD FIND AND WENT ON A MAD SHOPPING SPREE TO GET BACK WHAT I COULD REMEMBER OF MY GANGSTA RAP COLLECTION, ONLY I FINALLY SWITCHED TO CD AFTER YEARS AND YEARS TO BEING DEDICATED TO CASSETTE TAPES.   WELL, ALL OF THAT THUG PERSONA HAS TO DIE, AND IT HAS TO DIE NOW BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO, (IF IT HASN'T ALREADY) RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND I HAVE SO MUCH GOING FOR ME NOW, AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOSE IT ALL AGAIN.  I AM REMARRIED AND HAVE AN INCREDIBLE WIFE(OR I DID), I NOW HAVE A SECOND CHANCE TO BE IN MY SON, DEUCE'S LIFE(OR I DID) AND MY X AND I ARE NOW FINALLY LEARNING TO WORK TOGETHER WITH THE FINAL STEP COMING TODAY.(WHICH SADLY MAY HAVE COME A DAY LATE AND 700 DOLLARS SHORT)  TRAGICLY, NOT BEFORE HAVING TO GO TO JAIL FOR AGGRIVATED ASSULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON IN A FIT OF BLIND RAGE TO WHERE I COULD HAVE KILLED A WOMAN WHO WAS TALKING SHIT TO ME AND RUINING MY MARRIAGE WITH A BASEBALL BAT.   THANK GOD, I DIDN'T AND ACCORDING TO THE JUDGE AT 2AM THIS MORNING, I DIDN'T EVEN DO WHAT SHE SAID I DID WHICH WAS STRIKE HER WITH THE BAT.  BUT MAN I WAS THIS CLOSE, AND I STILL HAVE TO GO TO COURT AND POSSIBLY PRISON FOR THE CHARGE OF AGGRIVATED ASSULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON, ILLEDGEDLY.  I NEED HELP.   WHICH BRINGS ME TO A CRY OUT TO JESUS TO FORGIVE ME, AND LET ME KNOW THAT I WILL BE WITH HIM IN PARADISE. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS VIDEO OF THE THIRD DAY SONG WHICH IS CALLED THIEF...OTHERWISE KNOWN AS "THUG." http://youtube.com/watch?v=TxW57aFU95E&feature=related