I need air
My mom (who is bi-polar/paranoid etc) lives 5 miles from me and I make it a point to spend a couple hours with her 2-3 days/week.
More than 2 hours and I'm good for nothing.
Well, yesterday and today, I ended up spending the better part of each day with her. It was horrible.
On a good day..............mom's mental illness sucks the wind out of me. But now that grief has taken almost all my air ........................time with my mom is awful. I am already exhausted without my husband. Add mom to that - and there's nothing left of me.
My mother has nobody but me so the pressure is on. I feel my blood boil when we are together. Mom has no friends and doesn't want any. She smothers me until I can't escape.
Losing my husband was such a drain............and my tank is still on "low." Energy, air, patience, endurance, confidence, etc. are all still registering very low.
On the way home from mom's I wanted to call Bill on the phone and tell him how awful it was at her house. He would give me confidence and assurance that "it wasn't me" who was acting crazy! And when I got home, we would cuddle on the couch and the world would be right-side-up again. But I can't call him now and I cry again and again. I still need him so much. Not a good week :(
More than 2 hours and I'm good for nothing.
Well, yesterday and today, I ended up spending the better part of each day with her. It was horrible.
On a good day..............mom's mental illness sucks the wind out of me. But now that grief has taken almost all my air ........................time with my mom is awful. I am already exhausted without my husband. Add mom to that - and there's nothing left of me.
My mother has nobody but me so the pressure is on. I feel my blood boil when we are together. Mom has no friends and doesn't want any. She smothers me until I can't escape.
Losing my husband was such a drain............and my tank is still on "low." Energy, air, patience, endurance, confidence, etc. are all still registering very low.
On the way home from mom's I wanted to call Bill on the phone and tell him how awful it was at her house. He would give me confidence and assurance that "it wasn't me" who was acting crazy! And when I got home, we would cuddle on the couch and the world would be right-side-up again. But I can't call him now and I cry again and again. I still need him so much. Not a good week :(
Replies
I am so sorry for your bad week. Just know that you can vent here at DS. Do you have children who could help? Or maybe you could hire someone to take over your Moms care until you get on your feet. Diane
My kids are really a great help. But my mother is very demanding and pushes until she gets what she wants - and she wants me. I try to stay focused and only allow myself 2-3 visits a week and try to keep each visit under 2 hours. I love her but can\'t be near her for very long. It\'s sad because when she passes away, there will no doubt be regrets on my part for not being good enough to her. She pushes and pushes until she gets me all worked up ............and then she \"forgives me.\" I have tried to tell her that I am grieving etc. Thanks for letting me vent.
Please vent always. It is hard enough losing the love of our life and then all the other pressures are overwhelming. Lots of hugs Jean
I took care of my mother for 10 years, I understand your feelings, but please don\'t ever regret. You have done everything and more for her, its her illness that is to blame. You need to worry about you right now, is there some agency that could help, something like hospice, but not for terminal patients. You need you time now to get the wind back into your sails. I will pray for an answer for you and wish you strenght. Hugs Jane
I get it. My mom can sometimes be demanding and negative. My husband was always the one that I could share that with, we would talk and he would calm me down. Now it is just me, dealing with her, and it can be so overwhelming. Good luck to you. Hugs, Dawn
I so wish there was a phone to heaven! And we could call them. It would make all this a little easier!