I need air
My mom (who is bi-polar/paranoid etc) lives 5 miles from me and I make it a point to spend a couple hours with her 2-3 days/week.
More than 2 hours and I'm good for nothing.
Well, yesterday and today, I ended up spending the better part of each day with her. It was horrible.
On a good day..............mom's mental illness sucks the wind out of me. But now that grief has taken almost all my air ........................time with my mom is awful. I am already exhausted without my husband. Add mom to that - and there's nothing left of me.
My mother has nobody but me so the pressure is on. I feel my blood boil when we are together. Mom has no friends and doesn't want any. She smothers me until I can't escape.
Losing my husband was such a drain............and my tank is still on "low." Energy, air, patience, endurance, confidence, etc. are all still registering very low.
On the way home from mom's I wanted to call Bill on the phone and tell him how awful it was at her house. He would give me confidence and assurance that "it wasn't me" who was acting crazy! And when I got home, we would cuddle on the couch and the world would be right-side-up again. But I can't call him now and I cry again and again. I still need him so much. Not a good week :(
More than 2 hours and I'm good for nothing.
Well, yesterday and today, I ended up spending the better part of each day with her. It was horrible.
On a good day..............mom's mental illness sucks the wind out of me. But now that grief has taken almost all my air ........................time with my mom is awful. I am already exhausted without my husband. Add mom to that - and there's nothing left of me.
My mother has nobody but me so the pressure is on. I feel my blood boil when we are together. Mom has no friends and doesn't want any. She smothers me until I can't escape.
Losing my husband was such a drain............and my tank is still on "low." Energy, air, patience, endurance, confidence, etc. are all still registering very low.
On the way home from mom's I wanted to call Bill on the phone and tell him how awful it was at her house. He would give me confidence and assurance that "it wasn't me" who was acting crazy! And when I got home, we would cuddle on the couch and the world would be right-side-up again. But I can't call him now and I cry again and again. I still need him so much. Not a good week :(
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