I need a holiday.

I see myself as a selfish person. Maybe because I make a living out of downgrading myself. More so a habit. Either way I have problems with it. But no one has a right to call me selfish. I was sick since Sunday, just getting better today. I couldn't do the things I usually have to do. Like work and chores. Suddenly because my sister had to take over (Big woop) she asks for a holiday. A holiday!? seriously!? I need a freakin holiday. I'm stressing out over everything. Pissed off over anything and anyone. I'm dealing with shit on my freakin own every freakin day, and yet she wants a holiday for doing something for me because I couldn't. I need a freakin holiday. The first day I was sick I did what I had to do. So she helps me out once and it counts as her doing it by herself!? WHAT THE HELL. Anyway she asks for a holiday and because I won't give it to her I'm selfish!? Really? Okay I'm selfish. I'm sick and tired of it all. The crap people say just because they don't understand. No. Nah. No thanks. I'm not cleaning the kitchen 3 days straight just because you literally had to for me because I couldn't..so I'm selfish. Called that by my mom. Dad. Sisters. brothers. Relatives. All the freakin time because they don't understand. I get overwhelmed by walking into the kitchen and seeing it filthy. I make sure nothing is dirty no matter how tired. How overwhelmed. I can't do that. It's way harder for me then it is for you. And yet..I'm wrong? This always happens. I'm the selfish one. The mean one. The ungrateful one. The stupid one. I missed the part when everyone else in the freakin house was perfect and I'm just full of mistakes. Yea. Okay. I am. I get it. I don't even know why I'm stressing over a stupid holiday. It's petty. I'm sorry. But don't call me selfish because you have no idea.