I need a HUG

I guess it never gets any easier when nurses, aids or doctors loose patients, but tonight it hit me extra hard.  My patient whom I had been taking care of for more than a week suffered from COPD and a few other problem, But tonight he died in my arms as a ruesult of a PE. I was in the middle of transfering him from his wheel chair into his bed and I told him OK kiddo you know the drill. Give me a big hug and I'll lift ya into bed. He gave me such a big hug and then when I laid him down on the bed he looked into my eyes, smiled, and then quietly passed.  I was later told he had a PE which caused his heart to just give up.  I'm sitting here telling you my dear friends because I'm not quite sure how to deal with this. I know because he had other medical problems he is in a much better place at the right had of our lord. But the PE is something I can't quite get over.It hit me like a ton of bricks and made me feel so vulnerable and helpless, and scared, and I'm sitting here soaking my keyboard in tears because i can't get it out of me head. I know Im being such an idiot, and I'm used to dealing with death because of my Search dog work but I'll tell ya what guys It's like a slap in the face.