I need a break
I am sitting here watching the snow than rain come down, I again just had brown ground now white again. I brushed Ike yesterday he just stood there and sighed as he was so caked with mud. And drained some water hole spots maybe thats what started the snow again.
I asked God and you to please give me a break, I needed to look towards some green & sunshine its time. I have so many projects that NEED to get done this summer: the siding on the garage you left me with, the bathrm tore apart, the rotten fence posts & horse shelters (Hayley is going to paint this summer). Would you please come up with some money to help me get these done, you left a financial sad situation behind. Please ask God to help me find some monies I am not asking to be a millionaire but would like to know I am going to be comfortable and not have to stress about finances. I say 10 times a day "I expect the best in life and with Gods help I will attain it" So can you help too.
I am just sitting here thinking how its still unbelievable you died. And how you died.
Ironic my niece lives in your ole hometown, you knew before you died - my SIL, niece & boyfriend are driving there now to visit her. I some times want to go there & see where you had your heart attack than I think nay what for. I hope you did not suffer, Aunt Helen said it was so fast she was sure you did not know what was happening. Your Mom is miserable, please help her go home to you & your dad, she is so miserable in that nursing home.
Not crying today that is getting easier but I have my moments. I wanted to go out and eat last night but just could not do it all alone I cried over that. I miss Larry I wished he could have survived longer. Keith's new house they are building is going along nicely, but it won't bring Randy back so bitter sweet. You were gone by than so I am sure you saw the fire.
I know you are supposed to forgive but right now I can not even think of your boys & their mean hearted things they did. It cost me $$ I really needed for here. I choice now to forget I ever knew them & try to forget all of it. I will never go where I spread your ashes, I know in my heart you w/have been upset when Rod & Karen showed up. Its their place, I will keep a place here to memorialize you because I want to be in peace and calmness. I am sure you will be happy with that, once I made that decision I felt a calm serenity come over me. I am sure it was from you.
Well I better go & get things done please can you ask God for you and me to help me out.
I asked God and you to please give me a break, I needed to look towards some green & sunshine its time. I have so many projects that NEED to get done this summer: the siding on the garage you left me with, the bathrm tore apart, the rotten fence posts & horse shelters (Hayley is going to paint this summer). Would you please come up with some money to help me get these done, you left a financial sad situation behind. Please ask God to help me find some monies I am not asking to be a millionaire but would like to know I am going to be comfortable and not have to stress about finances. I say 10 times a day "I expect the best in life and with Gods help I will attain it" So can you help too.
I am just sitting here thinking how its still unbelievable you died. And how you died.
Ironic my niece lives in your ole hometown, you knew before you died - my SIL, niece & boyfriend are driving there now to visit her. I some times want to go there & see where you had your heart attack than I think nay what for. I hope you did not suffer, Aunt Helen said it was so fast she was sure you did not know what was happening. Your Mom is miserable, please help her go home to you & your dad, she is so miserable in that nursing home.
Not crying today that is getting easier but I have my moments. I wanted to go out and eat last night but just could not do it all alone I cried over that. I miss Larry I wished he could have survived longer. Keith's new house they are building is going along nicely, but it won't bring Randy back so bitter sweet. You were gone by than so I am sure you saw the fire.
I know you are supposed to forgive but right now I can not even think of your boys & their mean hearted things they did. It cost me $$ I really needed for here. I choice now to forget I ever knew them & try to forget all of it. I will never go where I spread your ashes, I know in my heart you w/have been upset when Rod & Karen showed up. Its their place, I will keep a place here to memorialize you because I want to be in peace and calmness. I am sure you will be happy with that, once I made that decision I felt a calm serenity come over me. I am sure it was from you.
Well I better go & get things done please can you ask God for you and me to help me out.
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