I messed up again

Well I am in a decision that is very complicated an not everyone agrees an when I mean agree is that I have a husband been together 27 yrs this August an 17going on 18 married an I have a bf as well who lives with us one a way I happy an then I am not happy my husband is a good man an cheating on him hurts an it is not that he don't love me or gives me attenision it is not even that the sex is bad but I have cheated on him quite a few times an (my husband an boyfriend live together an we doing things together  stuff all together )but besides that a love from my past showed back up an he is one of those loves that makes u have butterflies in your stomach that u shake when u kiss or he even says he is near me an I am also in a hard time where we have nothing an I mean nothing an the one my stomach goes crazy for can really make me happy but I don't have the heart to leave them both for him don't get me wrong I love them both so much but the love for the other one is giving me a headache everyday cause I want to b how do I say it with all of them wow I am screwed