I messed it up

Dear souls,

I have been practicing meditation and it has helped me very much. I have some very good spiritual friends, but after I have listened to God I can't obey Him, so I talked to one of the spiritual expert and he/she really could not help me and I didn't know that I have to pray and talk to people who were able to support me. I found a Guru and I feel he is helping me. 

I am having issues with lack of self respect. My partner is not communicating at all and I feel that silent treatment is trying to have power over me and I have to feel Loved inside of me so I can allow my partner to come with what I have asked for.

Any thoughts... thank you.