I mess up yet again
So today wasa good day. I worked out for 90 min and I ran errands, cleaned, got everything done that I needed to do. I had class but I find out that the class is getting canceled due to lack of students. So, I was really upset, and I wanted to binge, but I didn't. The thoughts were there all night long and at midnight I did binge. I freaking ran to the donut store at 1 am and bought a dozen after binging on chips and bread and yogurt. UGHHHH I feel like suck a failure!! I can't even make it one freaking day without bping. Also, I think because I was so tired, I could hardly get anything out. Now I have a big ball of food in my stomach, I feel like a fat cow, and I just want to freaking kill myself because I am so tired of this and I am tired of trying so hard, only to fail. I can't even get two days in!!! I feel like no matter what I do, I will always fail. I just can't take it anymore.
Replies
Hey babe, #1 - you are NOT a fat cow!!! #2, you did AWESOME for making it this far!! you seriously are! getting bad news like your class being cancelled just sucks, and for people like us who are trying to deal with other problems, it really throws us for six!!
you can do this hun, just stick with it!
PS you guys have donut stores open at 1aM!?!?
yes u can just keep trying do anything but binge! i know its hard but u can break throughit i\'m finding it tough right now too! we can stop doing it!
Keep trying is all we can do, I know how horrified I am sometimes at my attrocious behaviour and when I wake up finding that i didn\'t get rid of everything. I know it\'s so hard. We should focus on the positive though and try not to let these things get us down. I think also it\'s very good to realise that these actions and feelings is not us, it\'s ED talking and we don\'t always have control over it. In a sense we do but i\'m sure like me you don\'t mean to do this, so I struggle with that. *hug* here for you
i\'m so sorry to hear how rough it is for you right now. i can certainly relate to how awful you feel... but maybe there can be something positive in this for you? i have felt EXACTLY like you.. so freaking tired with out the energy to even get it out.. i think sometimes, though, that is our body taking over and trying to save itself... those moments when i am full of binging and can\'t even get it out were for me a motivation though to stop the horrible cycle... i hope you are able to turn things arond and have a better day tomorrow!