I Made Her Day Two Times And Shes Proud Of Me

The first thing she asked me is if I heard the sirens.  Yes.  I told her they were just testing – it was nothing.  She said she asked me because she knew I’d know the answer because I’m up on things like that.  She asked me if I heard them at home.  I started to say I was coming here and she filled in, “Or where ever you were.”  “Oh, yes.  I heard them.”  I went on to tell her that they said it’s good if you heard them because not everyone does so that you know.  I said it’s good she heard them here.  She said she wasn’t here but coming. 

The first thing I did was show her the extra date she put in for me to get her paid through insurance.  I pulled out the paper.  She looked at her dates in my folder and told me that one week was a lot.  I told her I know – it was Mon, Tues & Thurs and this was a Friday.  I didn’t come on Friday.  She looked and didn’t know why she had that date and scratched it out in that folder.  I told her I didn’t want her count to be off.  She said, no – it’s good I caught that. 

I also told her I have to change my April 8th time because my grandson has a play he will be in right when I come at 2:00.  I asked her for earlier or later.  She said she’s wide open.  1:00 wouldn’t give me enough time to get there and 3:00 might not be good in case they have something afterwards she told me.  She put me down for 12:30 and then I thought about my massage after.  So we changed it to 12 noon to be sure.  I asked, “If you don’t mind.”  She was fine about it. 

I told her I didn’t want to do any exposures today.  She said it was good.  I told her next week I will.  So I told her we can do what she wants to.  But I do have some things to talk about and asked how we should do this.  She said to talk first and then we’ll do the EMR (?) light bar thing.  OK.
The first thing I told her was about my grandson.  He hasn’t seen his Dad or talked to him since Christmas.  He wanted to call the other night.  My daughter has 4 numbers for him.  The first one they called and just got his voice mail (used to be his new wife’s voice mail).  They didn’t leave a message because my grandson wanted her to just try the others.  They tried another and a man answered.  My grandson said, “Hi Daddy” and the guy said, “I don’t know His Name, you have the wrong number,” and hung up.  First I thought she got it mixed up and he said his name first but he didn’t.  We couldn’t believe he’d do that!
So she called me after it happened.  I asked how he acted.  Dumbfounded.  I told her to call back the next day just to be sure and to make sure she checks her call log to be sure she dialed the right number.  She called back the next day and his voice mail answered saying his first & last name and the name of the company he works for.  And, he hasn’t been paying any child support.  So it was him!  She couldn’t believe anyone would do that either.  My daughter called child support and just before that they got a letter out to him to make a payment plan (he’s so far behind) or his drivers license will be revoked.  He’s probably mad.  He did give up custody to his first two girls. 

My daughter’s a fighter and wants him to pay.  I told her it’s best (like our granddaughter’s leg amputation) to happen while he’s still little.  Why have him get all excited about going and then this happens.  She said it’s best and to not let him go over there for possible abuses.  She already knows he doesn’t brush his teeth or take a bath over there.  She was referring to worse.  And I told her how we decided to lock our sliding glass door again.  I’m not paranoid but you hear of people getting so mad and killing the whole family and sometimes even themselves.  She said it’s a good idea and we have to protect ourselves. 

She also said we have to protect our grandson and be there for him.  He has myself and my husband and our son who is there and won’t go away.  And how loving we are.  I also told her that I talked to my daughter a little about if something happens to her (God forbid).  She wants us to get him.  She said it would be detrimental for him to go to his Dad.  She wants us to hire lawyers and fight for him.  I told her about the insurance policy on her that she has to change from our grandson and me to my husband and I and then him.  She said like a trust that he can get when he’s 21.  I said and in case we need the money to fight for him because we don’t have it.  I don’t know if she’s done it yet.  She said hopefully we won’t ever need it but it’s good to think and plan about it. 

I also told her that he’s having accidents about once a week now.  I don’t know if it’s emotional or it’s something inherited.  I hope not.  She said we don’t know that about me if it’s something that can be inherited.  That’s when she went on about us being there for him – myself, my husband and my son.  I don’t think she thinks mine is inherited.  Probably from the encephalitis but we both know we don’t know that yet for sure.
Then I talked about my son.  He called a couple weeks ago while I was here and I haven’t talken to him since.  He called Saturday two times and I missed it, called him, left a message but he didn’t call back.  He only wanted the weather and talked to my other son.  So I called him yesterday and he called me back in about ½ hour.  He was so rude to me.  I asked him about moving – it’s still a couple weeks or a month.  When he gets money.  So I said something about him not being able to do that it must be hard.  He blasted at me that he won’t talk to me on the phone about it because it goes over state lines.  No one can hear.  And he’s not in danger where he is.  He won’t do it.  I asked when.  When he sees me.  When will that be?  He doesn’t know.  She said he could have been nicer about it and said it in a different way.  Yes. 

Then we talked about sleeping in the park and how he likes to be alone anyway (sometimes with his friend, sometimes not) and he doesn’t like people.  He’s so loud about it.  How people are stupid.  He is very smart but I didn’t raise him to be anything like this.  She knows.  And you know me – I want everyone to be together.  She knows how it hurt my feelings and he doesn’t have the social graces (not criminal) and doesn’t have patience.  No.  She said maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend, too.  We don’t know.  She has a mother/daughter that comes in and the daughter was very mean/abusive to her mom (more than my son) and now they are trying to reconcile.  She didn’t think it would ever happen but did.  I said I know because my daughter was pretty bad at one time and now look.  She said maybe when he settles down and has a ‘hippie family’ with hippie kids named Skyler and Phoenix.  I pointed out my cousins kids names.  Yeah, but he’ll be so far away. 

Then I said unless he can move to the state next to ours at some point.  We talked about some K-2 being banned in the county over.  She said that’s good because it’s bad stuff.  Apparently she’s heard of it and said kids are dying from that.  It’s chemical and not natural like the other.   Then all of a sudden he said he can’t talk because he’s somewhere where someone can see him talking while he’s driving.  He says its illegal in his state.  I wasn’t sure.  She said it is illegal there.  I didn’t know that.  I thought it was just text messages.  No – you can’t talk on a cell phone at all while driving in that state. 

I told her I called my cousin last night to see how her daughter is but she didn’t call back.  But I talked to my boy cousin last night and every thing is fine.  He’s just really nice and how much we missed out being with each other growing up because of my Mom.  My son and his girlfriend are taking the train to up north early tomorrow morning.  I have to take them five something in the morning.  It was either that or midnight Sunday night to pick them up.  And it’s downtown – not out here.  She’s not over as much as I thought she’d be.  She was supposed to come over at noon time today about the fish but they didn’t have them.  

Then I told her that after I’m seeing the massage therapist for 20 minutes today.  I must have looked worried.  “You can do that,” she right away told me.  “You’ve already gone half an hour in here.”  I glanced at the clock and it was 25 minutes.  I told her how we used to do the chair massages.  But sometimes I go to the other one and I lay down on the table with her and I like that better because you can relax more.  I told this one that and now I lay down and she said others like it better, too. 

She asked me what does the laying down remind me of.  Sleeping.  She said I won’t go to sleep.  I’m too … something.  I can’t think of the word but it was something like to hyper (not that word) or on top of things to fall asleep.  I told her at the end the massage therapist asks me if I’m about sleeping.  I told her you can get so relaxed you can.  Then she wanted to know if it reminded me of the music yoga or laughter yoga I did laying down.  Yes.  I didn’t say but I know she remembers I had problems those times.  I think she thinks it has something to do with position that it might happen.  I told her I’m afraid I won’t be paying attention or it’ll just happen. 

She told me she thinks it’s time to tell her about it.  I shook my head no.  She said how she works with my body and she might have ideas to help in other ways.  I still looked at her doubtfully.  She said that I could tell her, we could bring her in here or she could tell her.  I’d have to sign a release for her to tell her.  I asked her what she would say, what would she tell her?  She began that I’ve been dealing with a physical thing that may have stemmed from the encephalitis I had at age 2 ½.  I’ve been looking things up and finding out information. 

That I have trouble holding my urine for more than an hour and it may have to do with signals from the brain (something like this she said).  That anxiety plays a part in it and I have to concentrate on holding it and not let that play a part in it because then I can’t hold it as long.  Keeping calm so I can get to a bathroom in time.  And something having to do with position – laying down and not sitting upright – that my body reacts differently in different positions.  Personally, I don’t know what she’s saying but I didn’t say.  I’m not sure if laying/sitting has anything to do with it at all.  And she would finish by telling her since she works with my body (in ways she doesn’t know she commented) that maybe she can help in other ways. 

Partway through her schpiel she said she’s talking like the massage therapist is in the room.  We smiled and she continued on like that looking over like she was there.  When she finished she asked, “How was that?”  I said, “No,” shaking my head.  “I thought that was really good,” she told me acting a little hurt I said that.  I told her it was good but what are those initials – TMI.  Too much information.  She asked me if I’m not ready yet.  No, I’m not ready yet.  She acted like, but didn’t say, ok not yet but maybe to think about it for sometime soon.  I kind of agreed without saying.  Sort of one of those non-verbal things.
I switched the subject and told her I’m going after to a Chamber Of Commerce Business Fair with a friend.  She was thrilled.  I showed her the business cards I had.  She was so very happy.  “You made my day!”  I told her it’s no big deal.  She still thought it was great.  I told her they have drawings and you put them in fishbowls and things.  “To win something?”  “Yes.”  But people can still look at them, I told her.  She wanted to take a few and put them up on the bulletin board at her (sw) bank.  She really did – very anxious and excited to do so.  No, I wasn’t ready for that. 

I asked her what happened to the person she gave my card to?  They never called.  I asked if it was that older couple.  She said no and she doesn’t remember who she gave it to.  I said they were the same, older and had plenty of money to pay.  We also, later, got into talking about I’m not sure that’s what I want to do.  She said I could as a side job.  I told her about being bonded and insured and I don’t know if I want to get into that.  I did talk to people about it.  She said that’s true because I’m handling other people’s things.  I said it’s OK for people I know or like the girl she gave me.  But not others I don’t know – I’m just not sure.  She understood. 

So all of a sudden she excitedly said, “Ok … why don’t you take a break and go to the bathroom and I’ll get the EMD (?) set up.  It was like quickly changing because I think she realized time was moving along and wanted to have time for this.  So I did, came back and she was all ready for me with the light bar. 

I sat down and told her that I also did something else.  I called the doctor.  Again, she was so proud.  I did my homework!  She was ecstatic.  She said I deserve three stars for today.  She even said one time her head was spinning from so much good stuff.  That her head might explode.  I jokingly told her at least it wouldn’t be cleaning up like throw up again.  She was smiling.  So I told her more about it. 

I called two numbers and asked when.  They told me May or June appointments.  She took some information so I decided while I was on the phone to set up an appointment.  She was so very happy.  Because I wanted closer to me they can get me in April 1st.  “April Fools Day,” she said with again great happiness and that it’s so soon.  She wrote it down.  I told her I don’t even know what to say.  I wish she could go with me.  No comment about that but said we can write things down and talk about it.  I told her I talked to the girl at a different number – educational – and I’m hoping they are all as nice as she was.  She gave me her nurse’s name.  I was asking about first appointments and she didn’t know exactly.  They do take 45 minutes to an hour.  And I checked, she does not speak anywhere.  I also told her that I see my OB for a regular check the week before. 

Ok … so now it was time to do the light bar.  She asked me things and wrote them down.  She said to think of an issue to focus on.  I told her I don’t want to do it on my problem.  That was OK.  She said it could be about going through things, weeding down and getting rid of to possible move like I talked about last time.  I thought and told her I wanted to do it on getting a job.  That was good.  We talked a little about it first.  I told her I’d love to be someone’s Assistant and help them.  I did have a job that was titled that once.  She said that would be very good for me.  I’m quick, I’m great at looking up things, solving problems, finding things out and such.  I agreed but not with myself.  I can but it’s not the same with your own problems.  She only listened. 

I told her that I don’t know if I have all the skills.  I have my own skills, like with the computer, but not the business end.  I don’t know that.  And all the jobs I’ve ever gotten were word of mouth.  That’s the best way.  She agrees.  I even bet her husband got his that way.  Yes, their neighbor works there.  My husband did, it took a long time, get one through the internet but he was very lucky.  So I know it does work but not very often.
So time was getting closer and closer and I knew we had to start.  She wrote things down.  One of the things she did ask was what I see as an accomplishment.  I thought and said when I can walk around outside and do good.  Then I thought again about my selling and it’s something I wouldn’t think would sell so much for.   I had a little trouble keeping things positive.  She helped me with that.  One time I was stuck and asked for an answer and then thought of one after she didn’t say.  When I said obstacles I’m sure we both knew it was my problem but didn’t say.  Here’s what she wrote on that form:
Issue:  Getting a job
Challenge:  It’s frustrating, just doing it.
I need/want to believe:  1.  I can do it
                                      2.  I will be warmly received and accepted
                                      3.  I can move past obstacles
I need/want to feel:       1.  Successful
                                     2.  Smart
                                     3.  persistent
I need to do:                 1.  Get on the internet
                                     2.  Talk with people about jobs
A time you met a challenge and felt positive:  Successful Auction
So she gave me the headphones and turned the light bar on.  She said it may be going too fast.  Yes it was so she turned it down a little.  She read this all off to me.  When she talked about being warmly received she said like that lady at the doctor’s office.  She said during it to imagine what I look like, what I’m wearing and such.  A few times I just broke up and started laughing, smiling.  Once I said, “Sorry.”  She said it was OK.  I just think it’s funny watching these lights go side to side on a bar.  It was hard to keep concentrating the whole time.  But there were longer stretches I did. 

She turned it off and commented that my eyes didn’t move much side to side but it was OK – some people don’t.  I told her I thought they did.  She said it’s a start.  I think because we ran out of time.  Couple things we talked about earlier.  She said she’ll share with me that she ordered Bio Dots and should get them Monday or so.  That she thought of me because she realized it’s from someone’s home and people are successful at that.  I told her oh, you found out more about them (she told last time about them that maybe she forgot).  She said they tell you when you are becoming anxious.  Maybe she meant she’ll share the dots with me.  Also I said I hope I don’t see that old friend of mine at that fair today.  I don’t like to stay long and my friend says she’s seen her after I’ve left.  But we may go together.  Nothing else about it. 

So we ended.  She made me a copy of what we just did while I just sat there and waited.  She told me she’ll see me on Monday and to have a nice weekend.  I told her the same and stood up.  “I guess I’ll go to the bathroom first,” I mentioned.  Yes.  I went into my massage therapist.  We did the 20 minutes on the table.  She turned the heat on for me – that was good.  I can’t say I wasn’t scared.  I tried to talk a lot at first.  But then I decided to just try to enjoy it.  But I kept feeling antsy and opening my eyes just to make sure I wouldn’t fall asleep.  I tried to keep paying attention to my bladder and telling myself I just went.  Once she asked me if I’m still doing OK.  I guess she noticed something but I tried not to.  When we ended she said I acted like ‘is it over?’  I didn’t say a word.  Just acted like I enjoyed it.  Hum ……  I shouldn’t be like this – it was only 20 minutes!