I made a mistake, what's new?

me and my best friend have been best friends since the 6th grade. we're now both seniors in high school. she's been by my side through it all. she encouraged me to get therapy and she supported me when things got rough with family or life in general. I recently made a mistake. whenever I make one, I get paralyzed. I push everyone away, I don't know how to deal with it. I get flashbacks to when fake friends, family members, or bullies would get upset with me. that sinking feeling of despair and I just don't deal with the problem. this time im going numb. I feel nothing. my best friend is upset with me and it's no one's fault but my own. I am garbage and a shit friend. I might lose one of the most important people in my life, my best friend. I don't know how to fix it and the anxiety is killing me. I know I have to make it right but I don't know how and I don't know why I keep hurting the people I love. I am tired and this is on top of being depressed. I was already struggling. I am failing two classes although I am trying to get my grades up. Now I feel like things are getting worse and I'm getting more depressed. I have trouble at home as well. I feel myself falling down the rabbit hole. unable to deal with the reality of my life but I know if I don't, I'll only sink farther down the rabbit hole. I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless. maybe I'm not worth it. maybe she's better off without me. maybe everyone is. 

Replies

Thor2008
Thor2008

Ask forgiveness. Goto your friend and tell her what happened, what you are feeling and ask for forgiveness. She will forgive you and you will have a stronger relationship.