I made a Big Mistake. But I always do, so nothing ever changes does it?

I hate being so depressed. I don' think I ever stopped being depressed ever since I was 15. I know that most will probably not pay attention to this because they might think that this is just another one of those depressing negative people again. The thing is that this life of mine isn't normal. How is life suppose to be normal?  I say that mine's not normal because I'm not happy and can't live life the way I wish I could live it. We never chose to be here. We were givin what we were offered - life. There's no way out. You either like it, love it or don't at all. Does this make me selfish? Does this make me a narrow minded person? But how about how I feel? I've hurt people within the process aswell and regret doing so. I feel so trapped. I can't breathe. Everytime I take a breath i have to make sure I'm quiet when I do.Nothings permitted. Everything I do is wrong. I want you. And only you. And I wish we could be. But nothing is ever possible when it comes to this. I know you more than you know me. You've given it your all and i've given you much more less.You stuck by me and waited for me but I never came. You're still here and so am I but this can't obviously go on forever If I can't even meet you half way. I'm sorry, so so sorry, I miss you and I love you and I don't want to say goodbye ever. Time will come and it will be done so I hoped to be saved or this life of mine just might end completely. What's more important is that you're happy and this is all that matters to me.