I'm weak and I suck at NC!!!!!
I considered myself to be a strong and independent woman. I'm pretty stern with my kids and most of the time I stick to my decisions. I've never follow the crowd or fall under peer pressure. But when it comes to love urgh ...... I'm so weak!!!!!!! I suck at NC - I texted him on Saturday and he always he responds kind and sweet which makes ir hard to stay away. I initiated contact (as always) and then he invited me over on Sunday.
We hang out, talk (not about us) and not about the future - it was just 2 friends talking. He haven't offer me a future, he haven't offer an "us" or a "we" but I can't say no, he makes me weak and I don't like feeling weak, I don't like feeling lost or confused. He don't want to be in a relationship but at the same he don't want to let me go and I'm stupid enough to take the crumbs he offers me. The worst part is that I felt happy for that little time he gave me knowing that it's temporary, that no resolution came out of it. I probably wont hear from him and then I'll be back to square one, feeling sad and overwhelmed.
Urgh!!!!!!! I just can't let it go. I wish I was stronger.
We hang out, talk (not about us) and not about the future - it was just 2 friends talking. He haven't offer me a future, he haven't offer an "us" or a "we" but I can't say no, he makes me weak and I don't like feeling weak, I don't like feeling lost or confused. He don't want to be in a relationship but at the same he don't want to let me go and I'm stupid enough to take the crumbs he offers me. The worst part is that I felt happy for that little time he gave me knowing that it's temporary, that no resolution came out of it. I probably wont hear from him and then I'll be back to square one, feeling sad and overwhelmed.
Urgh!!!!!!! I just can't let it go. I wish I was stronger.
Replies
hey friend, I can totally relate to your post, I contacted my ex yesterday and went to see him. I had some roof tar that I wasn\'t using so that was my excuse to go see him and give it to him. It was so good to see him, we talked a lot about the past, present and future. He is not dating which is a huge relief to me and we do consider ourselves \"friends\" but I don\'t think that is enough for me. I told him he fit into the category of an emotionally unavailable man, he was interested in what that meant. I also told him about my little spill here where I called him a Bast***. He just laughed and said that is my new name for him.
I have to admit I was so happy being with him. I gave him a hug which I haven\'t been doing the past few times I went to see him. I was happy and I agree with your comments about the crumbs. It is so true. While I was going to marriage counseling my counselor said \"they\" will continue to throw us some bones to see what we\'ll allow. He also said (and this has really stuck with me even though I don\'t follow it at all, my bad) that why on earth would I go the full 9 innings of the game for the SAME outcome????? I believe I\'m on about 100 innings and so far it has been the same outcome, me unhappy and unsatisfied with the relationship. So, why do we hang on? I don\'t know. I do know I\'m happier with him in my life, whatever he throws my way and I am probably making another huge mistake by allowing this kind of interaction. I always feel happier after the fact and it holds me for a few months but it\'s not enough, I don\'t think we can be just friends but for now this is my life.
I don\'t know what to tell you, NC is hard and until we fully commit to it, we\'re going to be stuck. Do we want to stay stuck? Me, maybe for now. I\'m just not ready to give up.
Hugs and hang in there! I hope one day we can both look back here and be in a happier and more content place.
I so hear you!!!! That\'s exactly how I feel!!! He\'s not dating anybody either which also brings some false hope cause I keep thinking things can change as long as he\'s not seen anybody.
The little time he throws my way makes me totally happy but I know I want more - it might make temporarily happy but at the end I want more and I don\'t want to be just friends.
Just like you I don\'t want to be stuck but for now I am and just like you I\'m not ready to give up even though I know I should.
The dreaded NC - I do it for a few days where I feel really strong about it but then I\'m burning to be in contact with him.
For now I feel like I\'m limbo.
Stay strong girl!