I\'m still here

Well, I can't believe it's been over six months since mom's been gone.  I feel sometimes that she is still watching over me.  I would feel better if my legs would heal.  Everyone tells me I should go to the doctor but I'm scared and I don't have the energy and time.  I would need to take a cab and that's money I don't need to spend.  I guess I'm afraid that the doctor won't be able to help and that I will have taken time off of work for nothing.  If it's what I think then the medicine she will give me has a possible side effect of lowering my immune system, I don't need that!  I feel that I'm living on borrowed time.  I can't do much but keep my faith and hope for the best.  I'm trying to be more positive.