I'm still here!!

Hey Dad,I'm back, beena while but a lot has happened in the last few months. I did the long trip to get the medical tests and procedures.... it was a nightmare.... the hospital turned me away because the plane was delayed... had to find somewhere to sleep the night and go back the next day. It was late at night and I was in a city I didn't know....but in the end all was taken care of and they did what had to be done. I have been told I have to watch ever little thing I eat, can't have salt... nothing you buy anywhere has no salt!!!!! I live on fruit and veg...fresh... and sometimes a little chicken.  Life is mental!!!!!! We moved, I had to get to a city to make sure I was close to medical help...so we are now in Darwin... I lied on the job application and got a job!!!!  Don't yell at me Dad, I had to lie..need a job to keep living!!!  Now on to the hard bit.... the last few week I have missed you more than any other time!!! All the das that have passed since you went away ... I have managed .... I have yelled at the night sky, cried in the shower, muttered to myself....  but the last few weeks...  I need you Dad, I need you to just be there ... I need that silent safety net under me... Life is trying to smack me hard and YOU are the only one that was ever interested. Now I just get the 'yeah, whatever'  or the 'ok, ... so what else are you up to' ..... What am I up to??? S .. after 28 years has finally been told he is autistic!!!! All those years they told me I was worried about nothing... a big nothing!!!! No wonder he still can't handle society!!!!!!   S's little boy is autistic.... J also has an autistic son...so it keeps on going through the family line.  So now there are 3 to try and get on track, and then there is Mum... I just don't know what to do with her.. she is driving me nuts..she rings me at least 7 times a day... the same thing every time, she is forgetting a lot.. she canels the help we got for her and then cry's about no one helping her!!!! She is fitting again... always covered in bruises!!!  I just need you here Dad!!!  not to say anything, not to do anything, just to be here as my safety net..my backstop.. I can't talk to anyone else Dad, damm it!!!!!!