I'm Sorry

To My Wonderful Life Partner-- You've been gone since May 22, and now when I look at our pictures you're just there.  No feelings of love, emotion, etc.  Why do I feel this way?  It makes me feel terrible, like I don't care about you anymore.  Like you never existed.  Like you aren't worthy of feeling love and warmth for.  What is wrong with me?  Is this part of grieving?  Am I a heartless person, or have I struggled so hard to feel better that it has been more important than grieving for you? All I know is that I miss you.  The void is there every day, but I know you can't come back.  I go to the cemetery and see the temporary marker still, and it's like you are part of my past. I hope you continue to love me, watch over me, and come back for me when it is my time to join you.  I hope you understand this horrible process of grief, loneliness, pain, and depression. You didn't want or ask to leave, and I didn't want or ask to be handed a life thrown back into singleness.  Will I survive?  I don't know, but I hope so.  Only you and God have that answer. Love, Debbie