I'm So.. Tired. Yeah, Just.. Tired.

In spirit and mind, I'm ready to take everything full on. I'm pretty sure my pseudotumor is coming back but I just want to know for sure and get stuff done, even if it involves shunts and spinal taps. But the thing is, physically, I just can't do it. I'm done trying. DONE.
I pretty much do fine until night time.. I have so many distractions during the day. Even though I'm hurting I have class to deal with so it isn't a big deal. But then I go home, Daniel leaves, and I'm stuck here trying to keep busy so I can't think about my pain. But it's spread everywhere.. although the pain is only unbearable about two days of the week now, it's just as bad since it's literally over my whole body now. Every bone in my body feels like breaking. It takes all the strength I have to move. I CAN'T do it anymore. Every time we fix something, something else goes wrong.
And what I've been trying to deal with lately is the fact that I'll probably be like this forever. I'm tired of having pain every day for a year and a half, and now the doctors are telling me that I may have to do it for another seventy? I can't make it that long. My body is just so exhausted.. I'm pretty sure the healing stopped a while ago.. I think I'm just going to keep progressing..