I\'m so tired of being here.
Well, it has been 6 weeks and I'm still sick. I'm so tired of being sick. It seriously depresses me. Now not only do I not feel well, but I have been so sad and just tired of being "here". Sometimes I think my life is such a waste, like what am I doing here? I have been trying to be more healthy and lose weight. I went to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and gained 4 lbs. How does someone even do that? Last week I lost 4 lbs and this week I gained it all back. I'm so mad and just disappointed with myself. I sometimes just tell myself, why even try, you're going to be fat for the rest of your life. I hate myself, I hate my body and the way it looks. I wish I could just go away. I'm so pathetic. I sometimes wish I could just slip away without being noticed.
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My friend has a pretty good idea that she lives by. When she eats something excessive, or knows she\'s going out to eat, about to eat a big dessert or some caloric treat like that, she will exercise preeminently to ward off the ill-effects. So literally, she will run for her dessert. If she actually has the dessert BEFORE exercising it off ahead of time, she gets panicked that she falls behind by even a single meal. So the journey of weight loss isn\'t a series of bumps, it isn\'t a stepwise staircase, it\'s a river. A constant flow of synergistic effort. In place every hour, every minute, of the day. It\'s not something overwhelming. It\'s quite underwhelming and boring actually. But it IS lifestyle and it\'s always with you, dear skad.
you slipping away would never, and hasnt been unnoticed. i love you, and i always will. but i just wish you could have delt with your problems without dropping cindy and i. we both miss you. and it just makes it worse that the one person i should be talking to about my problems, i cant. but i have mad love for you davis. keep up your good work