I'm so mad!

I'm so angry that you are not here with us.  I'm so mad because I feel like I failed to protect you.  I feel soo empty, so alone.  I can't stop crying.  Daddy never wants to talk about you and he acts like you never happened.  He wants me to be over you and move on with my life.  I'm so mad.  I feel like my world is crashing down.    What did I do to deserve this?  Why did God take you from me when you were so close to being born?  I only had another week and a half left.  What did I do wrong?  Is there something I did that wasn't good enough?  Is God mad because I got pregnant again soo soon?  Is God mad because I got pregnant again with Daddy when daddy acts like he doesn't care?  Is he mad because I haven't been doing my best and I've been taking life for granted?  Is he mad because I didn't pray?  I never get to see you again.  I never get to tell you how special you are to me.  I never get to hold you again, change your diaper.  I never get to kiss you good night, tell you how much I love you.  I never get to dress you in cute outfits and do your hair because you would of had really curly hair like mommy.  I never get to kiss your bo -bo when you fall.  I never get to read you your favorite story, teach you how to write your name.  I never get to make brownies with you or teach you how to cook. I never get to see you go to school, help you with your homework.  I am never going to see you grow into the woman that I know you would be.  I never get to see you have a boyfriend, get married or have my grandchildren.  I never get you back.