I'm so mad!
I'm so angry that you are not here with us. I'm so mad because I feel like I failed to protect you. I feel soo empty, so alone. I can't stop crying. Daddy never wants to talk about you and he acts like you never happened. He wants me to be over you and move on with my life. I'm so mad. I feel like my world is crashing down. What did I do to deserve this? Why did God take you from me when you were so close to being born? I only had another week and a half left. What did I do wrong? Is there something I did that wasn't good enough? Is God mad because I got pregnant again soo soon? Is God mad because I got pregnant again with Daddy when daddy acts like he doesn't care? Is he mad because I haven't been doing my best and I've been taking life for granted? Is he mad because I didn't pray? I never get to see you again. I never get to tell you how special you are to me. I never get to hold you again, change your diaper. I never get to kiss you good night, tell you how much I love you. I never get to dress you in cute outfits and do your hair because you would of had really curly hair like mommy. I never get to kiss your bo -bo when you fall. I never get to read you your favorite story, teach you how to write your name. I never get to make brownies with you or teach you how to cook. I never get to see you go to school, help you with your homework. I am never going to see you grow into the woman that I know you would be. I never get to see you have a boyfriend, get married or have my grandchildren. I never get you back.
Replies
I know how you feel, Monica. I am having one of those days too.
I hate that we have to go through this. Praying that it gets easier for all of us.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs!!
I am with you.
Xoxo,
Tiffany
I know how you feel too.. I have been mad at myself for years now. Isaiah died four years ago. I just can\'t get over it, I feel like I was \"punished\" for things I did in my life when I was younger. I feel like I failed at the most important thing in life. Your not alone! I understand your pain and anger! HUGS!! i\'m praying for you and for everyone who has had to go throw this. Sending postive thoughts your way hun!!
Gosh I know how easy it is to make the laundry lists of \"nevers\". My husband suggested that I make a list of \"was able to\'s\" instead. Here goes..maybe it will help you too....
1. I was able to conceive this wonderful life effortlessly
2. I was able carry this amazing child for 9 months
3. I was able to share the excitement of expanding our family with my husband and son
4. I was the only one who could give this child the womb that he had for as long as he needed it, the comfort of a mother while he experienced the miracle we call conception and fetal development.
5. I was able to feel his movement, be connected to my baby, and sync my heartbeat with his for as long as his could keep beating.
6. I was able to make it through the darkest days of my life and keep my health.
7. I was able to find this amazing support network here at DS.
Hugs to you! I am here!
i just stopped crying.. and after reading this im crying all over again. This is exactly how i feel also, and i am so sorry that we have to feel this way. Try to stay strong.. You are an amazing mother.
Oh wow. this is exactly how i feel word for word. i am getting emotional just reading this, it is so not fair!!! we are crying together. are we being punished?
I think if you collected all of our tears we could fill up a sea. Iknow how you feel and I am so sorry. There is nothing you did or could have done. HUGS!!!
You didn\'t do anything to deserve losing your baby girl. I\'m sorry that you and your husband are at different places with dealing with the grief. My husband and I were together in our grief then apart now back together. It\'s hard to deal with our own pain let alone trying to talk or help someone else going through it too. i hope he sees that you can\'t erase or hide from the pain. This whole thing just sucks. I\'ve always said the foreverness of this is too much. I pray that one day we understand. I think God doesn\'t take our babies, but cries with us and welcomes them into heaven with loving arms. I have to believe this in order not to be angry forever. Hugs and God Bless,Cynthia
I am sorry you are feeling so horrible!! I hope your bf can give you some support when you go see him!!! If you need to talk you have my number!!
I am so sorry. None of this is your fault. As for the father, he will grieve differently than you. Men are so unlike us & usually have no idea what we need. I can\'t imagine how hard all of this must be for you. I hope you receive some good support here...
I don\'t know if there are any words that can make this not hurt as much as it does> .. I\'m sorry- Sorry for anyone that has lost a child and the anger - where do I start .. All I can say is You start to teach yourself to adapt to this life- but you never accept what has happened..
Some days are better than others but allow yourself time, we all greive differently as for men, Well- they do greive differently because they never felt what we did - our daughters kicking around, growing inside us and then when bad news comes crashing down - the only thing that most men understand is to keep going strong even though deep down they care alot.... Here if you ever want to talk.... Sending tight hugs,!! Michelle