I'm so Lost

My grieving defines me and I am afraid.  Before I lost Max, I was a positive person.  I believed in accepting "what is" and making the most of each day.  It's now been a year and a half since Max's bicycle accident.  While my grieving and sadness no longer totally consume me, they do define me.  I am "the Mother of the dead boy" to those I meet on the street - so I don't go out.  I either end up trying to cheer them up or being falsely gay myself. I am so tired of sobbing and having no energy.  Feeling tired and lost all the time.  Since I found this site, my pain has intensified.  I feel I cannot help the other grieving people and I know how bad your pain is.  I feel helpless - and that is not a feeling I have been accustomed to.  I "lived in the solution" whether at work, at home or in my personal life.  There is no solution to the loss of a child.  Just loss.  I am so lost.