I\'m so drained.....
I'm so drained and a nerveous wreck any more, it doesn't really matter to any one I found that out, or at least its the way I feel. The boys are just way to much to handle, they need some one that can run after them, clean after them, I'm exhausted, its never going to change, never untill I go home to my creator. I'm not suicidal, just wish I would die, ask every night for God just to take me. I know its against the Bible to commit suicide, but this suffering any more is really driving me crazy, every day I live in chronic pain, and I'm tired of it. I'm no good for my self let alone two little boys, and very active ones at that. Freddy to drives me crazy, drives me crazy with housing issue's, what the hell their not releasing him so why drive me nuts, all parole does is play games, whats so dam hard with a yes or no answer????? Oh well complained enough, no one wants to listen......... Just Me!
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I talked to my ex in prison, and he said, things are very slow.. In processing when it comes to getting paperwork together and getting things processed for getting out or paroles..My husband wanted to work out the prison,last year... Finally just 3 weeks, he is able to.. so Sometimes its best not to get yourself worked up, just sit back and wait and be patient.
In time, things will move slow, but don\'t expect the ball to roll fast as soon as it starts,they have to make sure the I\'s are dotted and the T\'s are crossed... I want to give you a hug and and a prayer for I know somedays are unbearable... signed.. the gtolady1957
oh i am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad day. I wish your daughter would take you grandsons off your hands a daycare provider and let you enjoy them ocassionally as grandchildren - this would take a physcial day to day off you, giving you time to heal or learn various pain managements to help you with your pain. The prison system, i guess they are all basically the same in any state. the waiting game seems to be the way it goes in any ofthis. it drives you nuts due to the hard work you\'ve done as they sit on the butts, it drives you nuts because they can go home to their families as you stay separated from yours, it drives you nuts because it puts a stress strain on you and Freddie, it drives you nuts because you know it\'s not fair and there is nothing you can do to make it change - it drives you nuts because you are stressing over things that you have no control over. You know the way things work - if you\'d been saying all along - i don\'t want him out, he needs to be there, they would\'ve released immediately - they seem to release the wrong ones back into society. After i helped my ex get released i worked with people preparing parole packets and teaching them how to work with the parole board from the outside - i don\'t know if they do parole packets there but it was pretty intense and pretty thick. I would mail my ex copies of everything i sent tothe parole board so that when he had he meetings he would have the same info that they had. I probably spent close to $500.00 + in postage in 9 months just sending stuff to the parole board. i never pled his case to the parole board as thats not what they wanted to hear - what they wanted to hear was his \"projection plan\" for release, meaning what he was doing inside and what he would continue to do from outside. I had at least 10-15 letters from family, friends and our pastor, members of our church as to his character (we all know that was a joke - but that\'s another story) the parole board had pictures of our home, our yard, our vehicles, our children. The parole board had information about my income and our expenses. The parole board had information about the expense it was for me to travel to see him, the babysitting problems when i did, the cost for sending him correspondence,etc. the parole board information about my daughter\'s school - at that time she was in junior and my son was only about a 1 1/2. i was able to send them proof of payment for insurance, inspections, etc on vehciles, i had a plan for rehab outside of prison, potentional employers, which fell thru so then i went the schooling route, i basically had gotten him approved (but couldn\'t enroll without him being out) for college (his previous type of employment he could never do again due to his prison stint), the loans, etc., thru the school and a education plan - i would send them copies of quotes from The Bible, the book Bringing Up Boys and The Purpose Driven Life. I would organize each set of stuff to the board, outline, mark and send in a presentation form each time and copy to the ex inside. i think sometimes they released him just to get me off their back. I then had a couple of the inmates family pay me to help them with their initial parole packet and then guide them on what to do with following up - most of the people i dealt with wanted to plea their case to the parole board - i told them your wasting your breath,your time, their time and your family members time - what you have to show them is their \"recovery and rebuilding\" plans (be it that the inmate is guilty or not) - so i understand the frustration your going thru - my situtation was nothing compared to any of you guys in Families of Prisoners but for the 9 months he was gone - there was not a day that i didn\'t mail him a letter or not a week that went by that something didn\'t get mailed to the parole board - planning his recovery and rebuilding plan and pleaing for the release. As you well know, he inside had to be doing certain things too - not just being a \"model prisoner\" but real efforts with recovery, taking class on drug/alcohol rehab, parenting classes, family recovery, not just education classes, With having 2 kids, trying not to let the world know he was locked up (very few people other than his family andhis close friends knew he was locked up) it was overwhelming - hind sights 20/20 but in MY situation - i should\'ve left his butt there - and made him do his time - but at that time, i still loved him so i did what i could to help him (funny thing is i gave the parole board a thought of what i was afraid would happen to someone incarcerated for any length of time and 99% of predications came true once he was released - i told them a chip on the shoulder is hard to knock off and the longer he\'s in the less my chances were of having that chip gone when he came home) yep the chip was there and even now he uses that event in his life as an \"excuse\" for a life changing event that spiraled his life down hill - he says prison is what broke us apart and i told him, we were well on our way to divorce court prior to prison,but i thought prison is what would change him and actually save our relationship - but that\'s another story and lessons learned)- you hang in there. Listen sweetie, i am not going to pray for Freddie\'s release, I am going to pray for your and Freddie\'s strength and guideance adn I will pray for God to do God\'s will - when I learned that a while back, i started seeing results in my own life - i stopped praying for what i wanted and started praying for God\'s will, be it what i wanted or what God felt i needed - which are always 2 different things - I\'ve learned to pray to God to take things from my hands and heart to use me as a tool to work his deeds but to remove the burdens that i can not and can not control - Remember Hebrews 11:1: Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it. Devotional Max Lucado - December 14, 2007: Faith is the belief that God is real and that God is good...It is a choice to believe that one who made it all hasn\'t left it all and that he still sends ilght into the shadows and responds to gestures of faith... Faith is the belief that God will do what is right. God says that the more hopeless the circumstances, the more likely your salvation. The greater your cares, the more genuine your prayers. The darker the room, the greater need for light. God\'s help is near and always available, but is only given to those who seek it. Bless you my yankee angel.