I\'m so down....
Really trying to fight the urge to self harm at the moment. Don't know if I'm going to manage it tonight though.Had a horrible day. My Mum has her own problems at the moment so the past couple of weeks which have been really hard for me I've not shared with her. She was my rock and now it feels like I can't get any support because I'll burden her even more. She's even on medication herself now.See...THIS is what I do to people who love me! WHY am I putting them through this! They would be better off without me and all my problems!I had a therapy appointment today and because I'm spending a lot of time 'clammed up' (not talking to anyone about how I feel) I couldn't even talk to my therapist today. I just couldn't! I'm a total fuck up and I just wish I was dead!I just want to cut myself to make the feelings ease a bit just to make it feel less overwhelming. I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this!
Replies
Honey, try and speak to your mum, she would feel upset if she found out later how you were feeling and couldn\'t talk to her. Maybe she can talk to you soon and you can share some of the pain? You can and will get throuh without cutting, you are not a fuck up and you are not a burden. Here for you honey xxxxx
I am speaking as a MOM,who had a daughter who was DXed bipolar years ago...and she never told me..I can tell you honestly,even if your mom is having her own problems..SHE WILL WANT TO KNOW AND SHARE AND HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.
Hun, I feel the same way you do. I always feel that I\'m hurting or pushing away the ones that I love by putting them through the mess known as me. But I learned with the ones that care don\'t want me dead, gone, or hurting myself. I\'m the only one that wants the pain to go away and I tried everything to get it to go away and thought I was such a fuck up, I couldn\'t even do that right. I was told it wasn\'t my time, someone else needed me too. I know what it\'s like to clam up and hide, I know what it\'s like to be so dark that you listen to your thoughts and start to believe them. It\'s your heart feeling all the pain. You have to fight through it and I would talk to your mom. Ask her for what she wants to know - she\'s worried about you and just wants what is best. Let me know if you need to talk.
i pray 4 u
can your mum get support?my partner belongs to a carers group called rethink is there anything like that in your area.i\'m sorry your feeling so low we on ds are all here to support you.try if you can putting how you feel in a poem and post it on our boards or write it in your journal.
Thank you to everyone for your comments and support, it means a lot to me.
squirely1 - the hospital I go to is quite far to travel and they hold the carers group in the evening. There\'s just no way my Mum will go after work all the way up there for it.