I'm so confused
Not that long ago I thought for sure you loved me. I don't know what has happened.
Last week we were able to spend a whole week together alone.A first for us. We were all excited about this and had plans--some fun, some romantic. A few days before I came out there you texted me "You know I love you" and I replied that it was good to hear it. You've never been good at those words. And you said something about how you know you don't always show it, but it's in your heart, and oyu get excited just thinking about me. You couldn't wait for me to get out there.
First off, you mentioned casually at dinner with your friends that you were leaving for AZ the following Monday. I was hurt that you hadn't told me this--I thought you'd be around another couple of weeks--but you;d gone and made plans and not even mentioned it.
Saturday, Sunday and Monday were good days. Saturday you came with me to visit my son and DIL, which I know you weren't excited about, but it turned out well and you even said that night that "this was a good day"
We did what you wanted Sunday (the casino) and I tried hard not to let you know how bored I was. Monday you were painting and I was working in the garden. Nice peaceful day. We made love that night and slept in each other's arms afterwards and you told me how nice that was.
Tuesday it started. All you wanted to do Tuesday was sit and watch tv. Just told me you were tired. I was concerned---you didn't want to come to bed with me--just wanted to stay up and watch tv, so I went to bed without you. Eventually you came to bed and went to sleep.
Wednesday started the same was, but this time you told me that your Crohn's was acting up and you were in pain and tired. OK, got it--why didn't you tell me before. Later you saw me looking at apts in NJ online and asked me why. We had plans to live together once we could figure out the best place for both of us. I told you that I needed to sell my house--you knew that and agreed with me--and that I didn't want to pressure you, and I might need to live in NJ for awhile and was just checking out my options. You told me that you wanted us to be together, and that we'd figure it out, and asked if I still wanted that. I told you I did, and you seemed happy. After that you were more affectionate.
Thursday you still weren't feeling great, but we did get out for awhile. Same with Friday and Saturday. You were being more affectionate, and I was feeling better about the week. I suggested I leave on Saturday, since your friends would be home 2 am, and would probably appreciate not having me underfoot. you agreed. Before I left I asked you to come to bed and make love. We had sex. Mechanical sex. Physically, but not emotionally fulfilling. I was disappointed but didn't let on.
When I left you told me you'd talk to me tomorrow. I told you to call me before bed--you always told me you like to hear my voice before you go to sleep, but you didn't. I barely heard from you Sunday--a couple of texts--a 2 minute phone call, and again, you didn't call me at bedtime
Monday you left for AZ. A couple of texts--on the train to NY--at Penn Station. I called you and you seemed annoyed--when I asked you about how long your trip was you said that the only thing you cared about was getting to AZ. Another 2 min conversation.
Didn't hear from you until that night. Problems with the trip--I get it. Got texts from you now and then--where you were and all, but just informational.
Finally got to talk to you for more than a few minutes last night. you told me more about your trip, and that you'd booked a motel room across from the train station because all you wanted to do was take a shower and sleep. I understood. Before we got off the phone you told me you loved me and missed me. Later you sent the same in a text.
I let you sleep in this morning--just sent a simple "good morning" text in the afternoon. You responded 1/2 an hour later that you were going to get coffee. Expected I'd hear from you later. Ten hours later I still have not heard a word from you. I don't know why. A 2 minute phone call? A tiny text? Just to let me know I was still in your mind? Nothing.
I've been wondering the past few days if you were breaking up with me. But your telling me you loved me last night made me think things were OK. But now you can't be bothered with me. I don't understand. If you don't want me, why tell me you love me? Why are you doing this to me?
Last week we were able to spend a whole week together alone.A first for us. We were all excited about this and had plans--some fun, some romantic. A few days before I came out there you texted me "You know I love you" and I replied that it was good to hear it. You've never been good at those words. And you said something about how you know you don't always show it, but it's in your heart, and oyu get excited just thinking about me. You couldn't wait for me to get out there.
First off, you mentioned casually at dinner with your friends that you were leaving for AZ the following Monday. I was hurt that you hadn't told me this--I thought you'd be around another couple of weeks--but you;d gone and made plans and not even mentioned it.
Saturday, Sunday and Monday were good days. Saturday you came with me to visit my son and DIL, which I know you weren't excited about, but it turned out well and you even said that night that "this was a good day"
We did what you wanted Sunday (the casino) and I tried hard not to let you know how bored I was. Monday you were painting and I was working in the garden. Nice peaceful day. We made love that night and slept in each other's arms afterwards and you told me how nice that was.
Tuesday it started. All you wanted to do Tuesday was sit and watch tv. Just told me you were tired. I was concerned---you didn't want to come to bed with me--just wanted to stay up and watch tv, so I went to bed without you. Eventually you came to bed and went to sleep.
Wednesday started the same was, but this time you told me that your Crohn's was acting up and you were in pain and tired. OK, got it--why didn't you tell me before. Later you saw me looking at apts in NJ online and asked me why. We had plans to live together once we could figure out the best place for both of us. I told you that I needed to sell my house--you knew that and agreed with me--and that I didn't want to pressure you, and I might need to live in NJ for awhile and was just checking out my options. You told me that you wanted us to be together, and that we'd figure it out, and asked if I still wanted that. I told you I did, and you seemed happy. After that you were more affectionate.
Thursday you still weren't feeling great, but we did get out for awhile. Same with Friday and Saturday. You were being more affectionate, and I was feeling better about the week. I suggested I leave on Saturday, since your friends would be home 2 am, and would probably appreciate not having me underfoot. you agreed. Before I left I asked you to come to bed and make love. We had sex. Mechanical sex. Physically, but not emotionally fulfilling. I was disappointed but didn't let on.
When I left you told me you'd talk to me tomorrow. I told you to call me before bed--you always told me you like to hear my voice before you go to sleep, but you didn't. I barely heard from you Sunday--a couple of texts--a 2 minute phone call, and again, you didn't call me at bedtime
Monday you left for AZ. A couple of texts--on the train to NY--at Penn Station. I called you and you seemed annoyed--when I asked you about how long your trip was you said that the only thing you cared about was getting to AZ. Another 2 min conversation.
Didn't hear from you until that night. Problems with the trip--I get it. Got texts from you now and then--where you were and all, but just informational.
Finally got to talk to you for more than a few minutes last night. you told me more about your trip, and that you'd booked a motel room across from the train station because all you wanted to do was take a shower and sleep. I understood. Before we got off the phone you told me you loved me and missed me. Later you sent the same in a text.
I let you sleep in this morning--just sent a simple "good morning" text in the afternoon. You responded 1/2 an hour later that you were going to get coffee. Expected I'd hear from you later. Ten hours later I still have not heard a word from you. I don't know why. A 2 minute phone call? A tiny text? Just to let me know I was still in your mind? Nothing.
I've been wondering the past few days if you were breaking up with me. But your telling me you loved me last night made me think things were OK. But now you can't be bothered with me. I don't understand. If you don't want me, why tell me you love me? Why are you doing this to me?
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