I can feel myself slipping down into that dark pit as I get ready for this coming Friday. Another court date. I'm getting hopeful that he'll plead out but at the same time I know I shouldn't. The last time I was hopeful and was let down, I went into the darkest depression I've ever experienced. I almost didn't make it as I sent all my kids away to visit family over the Christmas holiday. Now with another date and some hope again that this will end, I'm afraid. Afraid that it won't be over and I've been kidding myself. Afraid I'll fall. I don't know if I can make it up again. I just don't know. Every time I feel like I just can't do it anymore. My life is ruined. I'll never be the same and he just keeps going like theres nothing wrong, like he did nothing wrong. In the meantime we're destroyed.