I'm sick of it!!!!

I'm sick of constantly thinking the worst in every situation. As some of you know I am in a long distance relationship and they take major trust, but here is me someone who has none zero and trying to struggle through everyday with these yoyo emotions of is he isn't he. I can't lie and say if he was here I would be better, because I have always doubted men near or far. But I love him with all my heart and this fear is killing me and my relationship. I try to control every situation to make myself feel better yet when that control is taken I go crazy and start thinking the worst. He has to report to me everywhere he goes, he has to have his phone switched on and taken with him, if he doesn't do any of these. I start fantising that he is cheating....it's fucking ruining my life. I wish I could deal with this better I wish I could be strong! I feel so sorry for myself!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Don\'t feel sorry for yourself! First of all, you\'ve taken a major step... You have realized that you are trying to control him. You are not trying to make up some excuse or trying to validate your controlling behavior. Getting better takes plenty of time, but you are on the right road! We all travel at different speeds down this road, but all that matters is that you are down that road!!!!!

I know how you feel, tired of feeling like that, tired in general. It takes so much energy out of you to to be that way, trust me, I know!! If you need anything, you know i\'m here for you. I hope that you realize that you are on the road for success and that it just takes more trying!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'ve been in a long distance relationship before...well, my last few relationships were long distance. I was in one where I lived in Texas, and he lived in England. I think he was cheating on me, but the signs were there. He would change his yahoo profile to say he was single. He forgot he had given me his password to his email so I checked it. (I had a nagging feeling that something was going on). There were emails from some girl calling him Babe and what not. I called her, and she told me he had told her he was single! He was a lying bastard anyway. He even told me he was in hospital but put up a photo of himself out and having fun that was taken at the time he was supposed to be in the hospital. He said the hospital had let him out that day because it was his birthday. Yeah....

Okay, so I told you that not so you could think your man was cheating on you, but just to see that if he was cheating on you, you\'d have red flags up all over the place like I did with my ex. From what it sounds like, he is not doing any of these things, so I think you\'re safe =)

I know how you feel though! The guy I\'m with now (my husband =P), we had a long distance relationship for awhile. He was living in England, and I was living in Texas. (Yes, I have a thing for English men, lol). I was so worried about him cheating on me especially with what my ex had done to me. I was constantly texting him, googling him, calling him, etc. I\'d pretend that I was just missing his voice (which was true to a degree, but I was worried he was cheating on me). One night he said he couldn\'t talk to me because he had the stomach bug. I thought surely he was out clubbing and chatting up some girls. I phoned him, and he really was in bed. I told him I was just worried about him. Anyway, to make the already long story short, we have been married since September 2008. I moved over here to England in September 2006. I still am really jealous, but he\'s been good so far =) So this is just to show you that long distance relationships can work out =) I wish you the best of luck in yours, and if you ever need any LDR advice, feel free to ask =)

xx
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh wow, that was really long, lol. Sorry =P

xx
mandakasravi
mandakasravi

Awww sweet of you to care, well i have been in this ldr for 2.5years and boy is it hard. Tbh I have been obsessive controlling and jealous in most of my relationships since I was 15 and I am now 28, quite sad really, I have 1,5 years left of the distance and pray to god we survive it. Sure he has given me reasons to be jealous but he hasn\'t really ever give me reason to think he is cheating. Im obsessed. i think I have ocd I am not sure, I should start taking my meds again, maybe I will feel different.

Thanks though for the advice, what visa did you come to the uk with ?
deleted_user
deleted_user

LDR suck, but they are worth it in the long run...someone once said \"don\'t count the minutes, make the minutes count\"....And think of the happy feeling you get when you see your guy in person. I think time is more special in LDRs...not that it isn\'t special when you are face to face, lol, but you know what I mean!

I hear ya, girl! I\'ve been jealous since about that age as well, and I think it\'s only gotten worse, haha. I shouldn\'t laugh really, lol...There I go again!

Ugh, I hate meds, but they do help. I\'m on meds for depression and my mood swings. Yeah, see about starting your meds again, and see how you feel.

When he starts giving you reasons to think he is cheating, that\'s when you worry =) You sound like you love him a lot, so if he ever cheats on you (which he probably won\'t), we\'ll go over there and hurt him, lol. j/k

I came to the UK on a student visa. That was the only visa that I could come to the UK on and live over here for 3 years. Then I got a spouse visa when me and my hubby got married =) Have you thought about looking into student visas? They are very costly, I will warn you! I\'ve just started paying off my debt, lol. I owe about $75,000, so about $621 a month for the next 10 years *gulp*

xx
mandakasravi
mandakasravi

Well he is coming here to scotland from iran so since he is my hubby I could get him over here, on a marriage visa god knows how much it will cost, It is so stressful thinking about it, I don\'t know how you managed to keep sane when you were applying to colleges and then looking at visa\'s
deleted_user
deleted_user

Haha, it was hard to keep sane!! Well, I got a spousal visa. We went in person to the Croydon office. I think the leave to remain visa (which is what they give me that lasts for 2 years) costed us about 500...but that was in person. I would recommend going in person because he\'ll get his visa straight away, and if they have any questions, you two will be right there to answer them. I got to apply for my indefinite remain to leave visa (the one that lets me stay here forever) in October. We\'re going in person, and that\'s gonna cost a little over 1000. I don\'t know where we\'ll get the money cuz I only work 1-2 days a week and the husband has been made redundant, but I\'m hoping his family will let us borrow the money =)

xx