I'M SCARED....BUT I'M NOT SCARED.
WHEN YOU LIVE A LIFE THAT IS BASED COMPLETELY ON FAITH, THERE ARE SEVERAL TIMES WHEN LIFE CAN BE SCARY AND ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR. THESE ARE THE TIMES WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT IS AHEAD OF YOU, OR WORSE, YOU CAN SEE WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU AND IT JUST LOOKS LIKE A HUGE BRICK WALL THAT YOU COULD NEVER GET PAST WHEN YOU LOOK FROM FAR OFF.
MY WIFE AND I ARE FACING ONE OF THOSE TIMES IN LIFE RIGHT NOW. A WALL HAS BEEN PLACED IN HER LIFE OF GETTING LAYED OFF AT THE END OF SEPTEMBER, AND THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN OF WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HAS CREPT IN TO US AND AT TIMES HAS LEAD TO SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS BY BOTH MYSELF AND MY WIFE.
IT'S HARD FOR ME, BECAUSE ALL I KNOW IS FAITH, AND IT IS WHAT HAS WORKED IN MY LIFE DOZENS OF TIMES WHEN EVER AN APPARENT WALL HAS BEEN PLACED IN MY LIFE. I GIVE IT TO GOD AND AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT, HE "MAGICALLY" TAKES CARE OF IT AND I GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR TAKING CARE OF ME.
WELL, THINGS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR DANIELLE. SHE DOESN'T HAVE THAT HISTORY WHERE GOD HAS TAKEN CARE OF HER FOR WHATEVER REASON. I KNOW THIS ALL STEMS FROM HER CHILDHOOD, AND FROM NOT HAVING A BABY WHICH IS HER ONE AND ONLY DESIRE IN LIFE WHICH IS TO BE A MOMMY.
ANYWAY, THERE HAS BEEN TIMES RECENTLY WHERE I SPEAK WORDS OF FAITH INTO HER LIFE(BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I KNOW) AND SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR IT. TO HER, IT SEEMS WHERE FAITH WITHOUT RESULTS IS BULLSHIT, AND I CAN'T SAY THAT I BLAME HER ALL THAT MUCH. SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP HISTORY WITH GOD TO AUTOMATICALLY KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF HER LIKE I DO.
IT'S MY MISSION IN LIFE TO LEAD HER TO HAVING THAT TRUST AND FAITH THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS COME THROUGH FOR HER IN THE MOST DIRE OF CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS BEING ONE OF THEM. SHE'S OPEN TO IT, BUT SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH BELIEVING WITHOUT FIRST SEEING, WHICH I CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. FAITH IS THINGS HOPED FOR AND THINGS NOT YET SEEN. ANOTHER WORD FOR FAITH CAN ALSO BE DELUSION WHICH JUST MAKES YOU PSYCHOTIC. THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN BELIEVING IN GOD, AND GOING OUT AND TAKEN CARE OF YOUR BUSINESS, BUT THERE ARE THINGS IN LIFE THAT NO AMOUNT OF EFFORT CAN HELP YOU GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. THIS IS WHERE FAITH IN GOD IS MOST PREVALENT. YOU CAN GO OUT AND APPLY AND GO ON THE INTERNET AND PLACE YOUR RESUME AND GO TO PLACEMENT AGENCIES AND FILE YOUR RESUME, BUT NONE OF THAT GUARENTEES YOU A JOB THAT WILL PAY YOUR BILLS. THIS IS WHERE WE NEED GOD TO BLESS OUR LIVES AND TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILDREN BECAUSE HE LOVES US.
GETTING PREGNANT IS ANOTHER AREA WHERE ONLY GOD CAN GIVE LIFE. I CAN PROVIDE ALL THE SPERM IN THE WORLD, BUT ONLY GOD CAN CONTROL IF SHE HAS EGGS, AND PUTTING THAT SPERM INTO THAT EGG, AND GROWING THAT BABY INSIDE OF HER BELLY TO FULL TERM.
FOR ME, GOD IS EVERYTHING, AND AS OF JULY 20 OF 2008, HE'S BEEN MY EVERYTHING FOR OVER HALF OF MY LIFE. I GAVE MY LIFE TO JESUS CHRIST WHEN I WAS JUST A SCARED LITTLE BOY OF 15 YEARS OLD DURING SPRING BREAK OF MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL. MY DAD HAD JUST DIED 15 MONTHS BEFORE, AND I HAD NO STABILITY TO FALL BACK ON. MY STEP-MOM KICKED US OUT THE DOOR AFTER HE DIED, AND MY MOM SWOOPED IN AND DID THE BEST SHE COULD, BUT SHE WAS IN NO WAY A NATURAL PARENT LIKE MY DAD WAS, SO I BASICLY RAISED MYSELF SINCE THE DAY MY DAD DIED. WHEN I GOT SAVED, JESUS CAME INTO MY HEART AND SAID HE WANTED TO RAISE ME TO BE HIS LITTLE GHETTO WARRIOR. I SAID MY FIRST "GOD HELP ME" PRAYER IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN WHEN I HAD LOST THE BOOGIE BOARD I WAS USING, AND PROBABLY 10 MINUTES LATER, THE LORD SHOWED IT TO ME AND I FOUND IT. FROM THERE ON, I WENT TO GOD IN PRAYER FOR EVERYTHING, AND AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER, HE ALWAYS MADE THE LAST SECOND SHOT. YES, I WAS SCARED AND HAD NO CLUE WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO AT TIMES, BUT GOD ALWAYS CAME THROUGH, AND YES, IT WAS USUALLY AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT THAT HE NEEDED TO. THAT'S WHERE I CAME UP WITH THE MONIKER OF GOD ALWAYS MAKES THE LAST SECOND SHOT BECAUSE IN MY LIFE, HE SHOWED HIMSELF TO BE FAITHFUL DOZENS AND DOZENS OF TIMES TO THE POINT WHERE I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO BELIEVE IN HIS POWER AND HIS LOVE AND HIS PROVISION FOR MY LIFE BECAUSE HE CAME THROUGH EVERY SINGLE TIME. NOW I'M AT A POINT WHERE I DON'T EVEN TRIP, I KNOW GOD WILL DO HIS PERFECT WILL IN MY LIFE IF I LET HIM. I AM NOT IN CONTROL IN MY LIFE, AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. GOD'S GOT ME AND I KNOW HE'S GOT ME COVERED WITH HIS ARMS OF LOVE.
NOW, IN MY NEW MARRIAGE, I JUST NEED TO SPREAD THAT MESSAGE TO DANIELLE. SO I AM WRITING A BUNCH OF CHECKS WITH MY MOUTH THAT ONLY GOD CAN CASH, SO I NEED HIM TO COME THROUGH FOR ME YET AGAIN SO I CAN SHOW DANIELLE THAT GOD ALWAYS COMES THROUGH TO DO HIS PERFECT WILL FOR THOSE THAT LOVE HIM AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. SHE DOUBT'S IT SO MUCH, AND AT TIMES IT IRRITATES ME BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M FULL OF SHIT, AND JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, I AM FULL OF SHIT...RIGHT UP UNTIL THE POINT WHERE GOD COMES THROUGH, AND THEN I POINT TO HIS POWER AND GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY BECAUSE I JUST KNOW THAT HE WILL COME THROUGH IN MY LIFE, AND I'M HOPEFUL THAT HE'LL COME THROUGH NOW IN MY WIFE'S LIFE. I NEED GOD TO GIVE MY WIFE A GREAT JOB, AND I NEED GOD TO GIVE MY WIFE A CHILD TO GIVE BIRTH TO IF FOR NOTHING ELSE THAT I PUT MY FAITH OUT ON THE LINE PROCLAIMING WITH ALL CONFIDENCE THAT THESE TWO THINGS WOULD HAPPEN FOR HER BECAUSE I JUST BELIEVED IN ALL FAITH THAT THEY WOULD BECAUSE I KNOW GOD IS GOOD AND I KNOW HE BLESSES HIS CHILDREN WITH THE DESIRES OF THEIR HEARTS ACCORDING TO HIS PERFECT PLAN, PURPOSE, AND WILL.
SO I AM SCARED BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE LOGICALLY THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT AND DANIELLE WILL GET A GREAT JOB AND WILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY, BUT I'M NOT SCARED BECAUSE I KNOW THROUGH MY FAITH IN GOD THAT HE WILL BRING THESE THINGS TO PASS AND DANIELLE WILL BEGIN TO BELIEVE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT GOD ALWAYS COMES THROUGH AND BLESSES HIS CHILDREN WITH THE NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE. SO.....
I'M SCARED, BUT I'M JUST NOT SCARED.
MY WIFE AND I ARE FACING ONE OF THOSE TIMES IN LIFE RIGHT NOW. A WALL HAS BEEN PLACED IN HER LIFE OF GETTING LAYED OFF AT THE END OF SEPTEMBER, AND THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN OF WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HAS CREPT IN TO US AND AT TIMES HAS LEAD TO SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS BY BOTH MYSELF AND MY WIFE.
IT'S HARD FOR ME, BECAUSE ALL I KNOW IS FAITH, AND IT IS WHAT HAS WORKED IN MY LIFE DOZENS OF TIMES WHEN EVER AN APPARENT WALL HAS BEEN PLACED IN MY LIFE. I GIVE IT TO GOD AND AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT, HE "MAGICALLY" TAKES CARE OF IT AND I GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR TAKING CARE OF ME.
WELL, THINGS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR DANIELLE. SHE DOESN'T HAVE THAT HISTORY WHERE GOD HAS TAKEN CARE OF HER FOR WHATEVER REASON. I KNOW THIS ALL STEMS FROM HER CHILDHOOD, AND FROM NOT HAVING A BABY WHICH IS HER ONE AND ONLY DESIRE IN LIFE WHICH IS TO BE A MOMMY.
ANYWAY, THERE HAS BEEN TIMES RECENTLY WHERE I SPEAK WORDS OF FAITH INTO HER LIFE(BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I KNOW) AND SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR IT. TO HER, IT SEEMS WHERE FAITH WITHOUT RESULTS IS BULLSHIT, AND I CAN'T SAY THAT I BLAME HER ALL THAT MUCH. SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP HISTORY WITH GOD TO AUTOMATICALLY KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF HER LIKE I DO.
IT'S MY MISSION IN LIFE TO LEAD HER TO HAVING THAT TRUST AND FAITH THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS COME THROUGH FOR HER IN THE MOST DIRE OF CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS BEING ONE OF THEM. SHE'S OPEN TO IT, BUT SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH BELIEVING WITHOUT FIRST SEEING, WHICH I CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. FAITH IS THINGS HOPED FOR AND THINGS NOT YET SEEN. ANOTHER WORD FOR FAITH CAN ALSO BE DELUSION WHICH JUST MAKES YOU PSYCHOTIC. THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN BELIEVING IN GOD, AND GOING OUT AND TAKEN CARE OF YOUR BUSINESS, BUT THERE ARE THINGS IN LIFE THAT NO AMOUNT OF EFFORT CAN HELP YOU GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. THIS IS WHERE FAITH IN GOD IS MOST PREVALENT. YOU CAN GO OUT AND APPLY AND GO ON THE INTERNET AND PLACE YOUR RESUME AND GO TO PLACEMENT AGENCIES AND FILE YOUR RESUME, BUT NONE OF THAT GUARENTEES YOU A JOB THAT WILL PAY YOUR BILLS. THIS IS WHERE WE NEED GOD TO BLESS OUR LIVES AND TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILDREN BECAUSE HE LOVES US.
GETTING PREGNANT IS ANOTHER AREA WHERE ONLY GOD CAN GIVE LIFE. I CAN PROVIDE ALL THE SPERM IN THE WORLD, BUT ONLY GOD CAN CONTROL IF SHE HAS EGGS, AND PUTTING THAT SPERM INTO THAT EGG, AND GROWING THAT BABY INSIDE OF HER BELLY TO FULL TERM.
FOR ME, GOD IS EVERYTHING, AND AS OF JULY 20 OF 2008, HE'S BEEN MY EVERYTHING FOR OVER HALF OF MY LIFE. I GAVE MY LIFE TO JESUS CHRIST WHEN I WAS JUST A SCARED LITTLE BOY OF 15 YEARS OLD DURING SPRING BREAK OF MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL. MY DAD HAD JUST DIED 15 MONTHS BEFORE, AND I HAD NO STABILITY TO FALL BACK ON. MY STEP-MOM KICKED US OUT THE DOOR AFTER HE DIED, AND MY MOM SWOOPED IN AND DID THE BEST SHE COULD, BUT SHE WAS IN NO WAY A NATURAL PARENT LIKE MY DAD WAS, SO I BASICLY RAISED MYSELF SINCE THE DAY MY DAD DIED. WHEN I GOT SAVED, JESUS CAME INTO MY HEART AND SAID HE WANTED TO RAISE ME TO BE HIS LITTLE GHETTO WARRIOR. I SAID MY FIRST "GOD HELP ME" PRAYER IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN WHEN I HAD LOST THE BOOGIE BOARD I WAS USING, AND PROBABLY 10 MINUTES LATER, THE LORD SHOWED IT TO ME AND I FOUND IT. FROM THERE ON, I WENT TO GOD IN PRAYER FOR EVERYTHING, AND AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER, HE ALWAYS MADE THE LAST SECOND SHOT. YES, I WAS SCARED AND HAD NO CLUE WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO AT TIMES, BUT GOD ALWAYS CAME THROUGH, AND YES, IT WAS USUALLY AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT THAT HE NEEDED TO. THAT'S WHERE I CAME UP WITH THE MONIKER OF GOD ALWAYS MAKES THE LAST SECOND SHOT BECAUSE IN MY LIFE, HE SHOWED HIMSELF TO BE FAITHFUL DOZENS AND DOZENS OF TIMES TO THE POINT WHERE I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO BELIEVE IN HIS POWER AND HIS LOVE AND HIS PROVISION FOR MY LIFE BECAUSE HE CAME THROUGH EVERY SINGLE TIME. NOW I'M AT A POINT WHERE I DON'T EVEN TRIP, I KNOW GOD WILL DO HIS PERFECT WILL IN MY LIFE IF I LET HIM. I AM NOT IN CONTROL IN MY LIFE, AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. GOD'S GOT ME AND I KNOW HE'S GOT ME COVERED WITH HIS ARMS OF LOVE.
NOW, IN MY NEW MARRIAGE, I JUST NEED TO SPREAD THAT MESSAGE TO DANIELLE. SO I AM WRITING A BUNCH OF CHECKS WITH MY MOUTH THAT ONLY GOD CAN CASH, SO I NEED HIM TO COME THROUGH FOR ME YET AGAIN SO I CAN SHOW DANIELLE THAT GOD ALWAYS COMES THROUGH TO DO HIS PERFECT WILL FOR THOSE THAT LOVE HIM AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. SHE DOUBT'S IT SO MUCH, AND AT TIMES IT IRRITATES ME BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M FULL OF SHIT, AND JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, I AM FULL OF SHIT...RIGHT UP UNTIL THE POINT WHERE GOD COMES THROUGH, AND THEN I POINT TO HIS POWER AND GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY BECAUSE I JUST KNOW THAT HE WILL COME THROUGH IN MY LIFE, AND I'M HOPEFUL THAT HE'LL COME THROUGH NOW IN MY WIFE'S LIFE. I NEED GOD TO GIVE MY WIFE A GREAT JOB, AND I NEED GOD TO GIVE MY WIFE A CHILD TO GIVE BIRTH TO IF FOR NOTHING ELSE THAT I PUT MY FAITH OUT ON THE LINE PROCLAIMING WITH ALL CONFIDENCE THAT THESE TWO THINGS WOULD HAPPEN FOR HER BECAUSE I JUST BELIEVED IN ALL FAITH THAT THEY WOULD BECAUSE I KNOW GOD IS GOOD AND I KNOW HE BLESSES HIS CHILDREN WITH THE DESIRES OF THEIR HEARTS ACCORDING TO HIS PERFECT PLAN, PURPOSE, AND WILL.
SO I AM SCARED BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE LOGICALLY THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT AND DANIELLE WILL GET A GREAT JOB AND WILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY, BUT I'M NOT SCARED BECAUSE I KNOW THROUGH MY FAITH IN GOD THAT HE WILL BRING THESE THINGS TO PASS AND DANIELLE WILL BEGIN TO BELIEVE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT GOD ALWAYS COMES THROUGH AND BLESSES HIS CHILDREN WITH THE NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE. SO.....
I'M SCARED, BUT I'M JUST NOT SCARED.
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