I'm scared
Scared because everyone is leaving. My parents are emotionally checked out when it comes to me. I'm the piece of shit who had to rock the boat with self harm and a relationship they didn't arrange. The adult that is helping me knows my family and she hasn't been replying to me bc she doesn't believe me about the abuse and cutting. I was looking at my arms today, there are faded splotches running up them. When I was kid and I used to scratch bug bites to bleeding and open up any wound. The razor scars you can only see in the right light. They run cleanly in short little bursts on my left wrist. I wear bracelets and no one has an idea of what transpired there. Now i've thrown away my razors for over a year but I still scratch and bruise my arms. I'm getting bad again and it scares me.
Replies
I also resort to self-harm even after I\'ve sworn off it. It sounds terrible, but for me it\'s often a release for all the emotions I can\'t let out any other way. Is there anyone else you can go to who will acknowledge what you are going to? There is so much guilt and shame involved with self-harm, it\'s important though to get to the bottom of what you use it for, and what healthy behaviors you can replace it with that serve the same purpose. It\'s very tough to do, but my thoughts are definitely with you on this.. feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.
It\'s defiantly not an easy thing to process. There are many people who don\'t understand how much pain and emotional damage has to be done before someone resorts to self harm. My college professor seems to think it may be suicidal, but it\'s not. Nor is it so easy to understand. True friends will stay by your side no matter what\'s going on within you. She may just need time to process it for herself, she\'s rejecting the thought because she doesn\'t want to see you hurting yourself, or she simply doesn\'t know what to do. I know how you\'re feeling about being scared too and I\'m right here with you.
Hugs,
I can\'t stand the realisation that after working hard to not harm myself that I\'m not getting any better and may have to open up to my family and tell them. I know that feeling too well right now.